Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Therapy and Me


I'm not sure if therapy is for me. I have had problems since my father's death, with anxiety, and depression. I have never seen a therapist on a regular basis. It's a big deal for me since I am a privet person, and it's difficult for me to pour out my heart to a total stranger.

Recently, I have been contacting friends, and lovers from the past. I guess that I am that age. I have heard of others my age doing this. (I'm in my 40s).

I have contacted many people. Two of them that responded back are both working as therapists. I have gotten to know them both again thorough e-mails. I don't want to go into personal details about them.

They do have several things in common...


Both people have graduated from college with degrees in therapy related studies.

Both have been working as therapists for many years.

Both are my age or older, so I'm not talking about young adults.

Both have been in therapy themselves for many years to receive help.


The thing is that they both seem worse today then when I knew them years ago! This is highly disturbing to me. These people are educated therapist themselves, who have received therapy for many years, and are worse. How can this be?

I can relate to both of them because I have problems too. I knew them both years ago, so there is a connection. My heart goes out to them both. I'm devastated! I'm devastated and sad for them, and myself.

I was going to look for therapy myself, but apparently conventional therapy does not work. Why should I go to a therapist, and pour out my soul when it doesn't work? Why should I go to a therapist for years, maybe decades, if I'm going to get worse anyways?

I have been searching for a therapist for about 6 months now. It has been difficult since I don't have health insurance, and can't afford to pay $60 an hour, or whatever the rate is. So I have called, and called, and searched, and searched. Finally after 6 months, 3 therapists are calling me back wanting appointments with me. But I have not returned their calls. I don't know if I will. If conventional therapy doesn't work, why should I go to a therapist?

Now the question seems to be... If conventional therapy does not work, then what does?

Related Posts: ETC - Electroconvulsive Therapy or Shock Treatments
And: Are You Gay OR Straight? (Part 1)

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi, I don't understand what you mean when you say that conventional therapy doesn't work. Could you define conventional therapy, to explain what you mean? I've been in therapy since 2003, and although it's a lot of work (and money, esp. if you don't have insurance), it's totally been worth it for me. It's changed my life. Maybe there's some type of therapy out there that will help you. Anyhow, don't give up, okay?

Awake In Rochester said...

Hi,
Thank you for your impute. I'm glad that therapy has worked for you. I'm a bit skeptical since I know 2 therapist, who have been in therapy for many years, and are worse today. The depression was bad around October, but I feel much better now. So I'm not as worried about it. Yet, I know that depression tends to come and go, so I probably should look for help. I have at lest postponed my search for now. I don't know if I will resume my search for a therapist. I figure that if these 2 friends of mine who were therapist could not get help, then what chance do I have?

renee said...

try to find a cognitive-behavioral therapist. that therapist is very science driven, and logical. it is incredibly helpful. (at least look it up online)

Awake In Rochester said...

Hi renee,

Welcome to my blog.

Thanks for the tip!

I'm curious to know more about you. You don't have an "About Me" page. I can't see your FaceBook I signed up long ago, but forgot my password. Anyway, I'm curious.

renee said...

hi. i'm renee. i blog over at ianua.org. i am a survivor of severe sexual, physical and mental abuse. it went on a long time. i also was abused by/through the church.

i wrote a book in 2004 (re-released in 2008) called "stumbling toward faith". it tells much of my story.

i am an active member and advocate for amnesty international. i support gltg rights, and have many friends from all categories.

i tweet on twitter under the name "iphigeneia"

that help your curiosity a bit?

Awake In Rochester said...

Hi renee,

Thanks for the background.

I'm sorry that you went though so much. The title of your book sound familiar. I will have to try to find it at the library.