Two years to find a treatment for you

Imagine that you have an illness. You go to your doctor for help and....

Your Dr. says, - "We think we can help you, but it will take two years to find the proper treatment."

You ask - "Two Years!? WHY"?

He replies, - "We have to find the right medication and therapy combination. People react differently. You will just have to be patient. It'll take time. You will have to try various drugs and various therapies until we hit on something effective. But we think we can find something that will work ...eventually."

What would you think? How would you feel? How would you react?

I just saw the program Second Opinion. (TV show with real doctors discussing real illnesses.) It was about depression. They said that treatment often works, but it is not unusual for it to take two years. Doctors have to find the right meds & treatment combo, and that is individual. It takes time.

The other day I read that 60% of people who commit suicide are in therapy. Now I understand. Sometimes people who are clinically depressed can be suicidal, and to not be helped, even when in therapy, must be further depressing to them. Can you imagine being told that you have an illness, and yet you can't get an effective treatment for two years? Heck, that's depressing it itself!

I've had trouble with depression and anxiety. I'm not crazy about therapy in the first place, and this is not good news. I'm not saying that I have thoughts of suicide. I am not saying that. But things aren't good. The depression is slowly getting worse. And what I heard today is bad news. Imagine that you were ill and your doctor said that he MIGHT be able to help you in TWO years. How the hell would you feel? I feel a bit pissed off right now.

Related Posts - "This Isn't Me" AND "IF I saw a therapist..."

Have You Ever Put Someone On A Pedestal?

Some of the facts have been changed so that the woman on the pedestal would be protected.

Have you ever put someone up on a pedestal? You know, thought that they were so special that they could do no wrong? That's how I felt about Mandy. When I lived in Syracuse I met an RN who was very special. She was not only a very caring and good nurse, but she was a Christian, and a perfect example. It wasn't just me that thought so, but many others.

Mandy had more then her share of problems. She had a chronic disease, and was often in pain. She had an abusive husband who was diagnoses as a sociopath. Yet, Mandy relied, and trusted in God so much that she acted like she didn't have a care in the world. She was upbeat, and joyful. She loved helping others, and had a huge heart. Mandy was very approachable, had many friends, and admiring peers. The patients respected, and liked her. She read the Bible on her breaks, and sometimes discussed it with others. More then that she seemed to embody love, joy, and forgiveness. In my book she was the very definition of an nearly perfect nurse, person, and Christian.

Today things changed a bit. Reality set in a bit. I Googled Mandy's name and found out that she had an action of misconduct as a nurse, and admitted to it. Mandy had taken a narcotic for her own use at work. The narcotic was meant for a patient. At first I was shocked, then I started to make excuses for her in my mind- She had a painful, chronic, disease, perhaps she was out of her own medication. Perhaps the patient was a sleep, and didn't need the med. Maybe that's what happened? Or maybe it was worse. Maybe Mandy had been on pain meds for so long that she was addicted.

At any rate, I know that her actions were wrong, and I'm sure that Mandy does too. Isn't it odd that some people can do 99% right, and good in there lives. Then there is that 1% that dashes them down to the ground. It reminds me of that movie Crash, best picture Oscar for 2005. Have you ever seen it? If you haven't, you should! I highly recommend it. Early in that movie you think that you have the good guys, and bad guys all figured out. Then at the end you realize that no one is 100% good, or bad, but we are all just human. We all make mistakes. That's not to say that we shouldn't try to do our best, but one quick wrong decision can mess up a life. I guess we can only do our best, and hope that we don't get slapped down to hard when we make a mistake. Or at lest that those around us, especially our loved ones, will be understanding.

Tonight my heart goes out to an old friend and colleague, her family, especially her children. I hope that her children realize that their mother is special in spite of imperfections.

Note to readers - I do not condone abuse, and personal believe that it is a deal breaker in a marriage. However, I understand Mandy's decision to stay with her husband, and respect her determination, love, and ability to forgive. She was not alone. Family members, some friends, and key people in her church knew. Both her, and her husband were receiving church, and professional counseling. I also would have respected Mandy if she had chosen to leave him.

To the Uncomplimentary Blogger

To my readers. Since this post is to the Uncomplimentary Blogger you will not fully understand what is going on because I will be skipping some important details that the Uncomplimentary Blogger already knows. If your a regular reader you will understand that this is something that has gone on for quite sometime.

Dear Uncomplimentary Blogger,

On Wednesday I heard from both you, and that other person from my past with whom we are both acquainted. Both of you on the same day! It was like a one-two punch to my gut. She sent me an e-mail, and I dealt with her directly. You viewed my blog, and made sure that I knew it. It was like you jumped up, and down in the room. I won't go into specifics, you know what I'm talking about. You're starting to revert to your passive aggressive ways. You chose to make yourself known, but you don't want the same treatment. That's a double standard. Your like the kid who puts a finger one inch from someones face and taunts - "I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you!" Then you go into hiding. Then the cycle is repeated again, and again, and again. Frankly, I would rather you deal with me directly like the other person did, but you can't seem to.

Your actions have been extremely inconsistent. You like me, then hate me. Like me/hate me. Like me/hate me. You push me away, then try to get my attention and pull me towards you. Push/pull, push/pull, push/pull. In fact that's how you were in our two real time relationships years ago. I noticed from reading your blogs in past months that you're like that in everything. You're crazy for a certain TV star one month, the next you're not. You like a list of TV show one month, the next you don't like any of them. I didn't know what was wrong with you, but I knew that it wasn't normal. You admitted in an e-mail to me many months ago that you had severe mental problems, but didn't elaborate. Fortunately Dr. Deb wrote about it in her blog. (Thank you Dr. Deb.) I learned that it's called emotional ambivalence.

I believe that it is difficult for you to make up your mind about me because of this neurotic conflict. Therefore, I need to intervene, so I have done the following...

1) I have taken all your blogs in my reader and put them in one folder, and tucked that folder away at the bottom of my reader. Plus I'm primarily using another reader, (bloglines), which does not have any of your blogs. In other words I will not be reading your blogs, but will keep them just in case.

2) I have removed the various trackers from my blog. So if you decide to visit my blog I will not know unless you leave a comment, and I highly doubt that you will.

I'm not going to delete my blog because of your games. I don't need to.

I don't want you to think that I have rejected you. I have not! However, I have just made it very difficult for you to play these games. I need some consistency. I also need you to contact me directly, or not at all. No more games! You know my full name, and that I live in the Rochester area. I'm in the phone book. You can call me if/when you are ready for a consistent relationship, or you can e-mail me. I realize that you might have emotional ambivalence for the rest of your life, but if you get it reasonably under control I will be open to contact, but not before. This is not easy for me because I care about you. In fact I am praying that you will get better, but I can't take this any longer. I have been rejected too, and the anxiety that I have stems from rejection. I’m dealing with issues of rejection from my past and just can’t handle these on/off, love/hate, push/pull games. I am trying to heal now. I don't need more rejection, more wounds.

So you can talk to me, (or about me), as much as you want on your blog. Send me all those signals, jump up and down trying to get my attention, but ... I WILL NOT NOTICE.

ENOUGH! I'M NOT PLAYING YOUR GAMES!

What Music Uplifts You?

As you may know, I suffer from depression. I like music, and that it can be very uplifting. It can be a type of therapy. I listen to the radio, but don't have many CD's. I am looking for some uplifting music. Do you have any ideas? I especially like soft rock, and oldies, sometimes Christian music. It's hard to find something with uplifting lyrics. What do you listen to that brings you out of a bad mood? (What album, or artist, etc.)

Added later - I'm looking for a CD.

Luke... I sense a disturbance in the blogosphere

Luke... I sense a disturbance in the blogosphere. GO... warn Obiwan, Yoda, and the brave Jedi bloggers. I will remain here with this bucket of bolts. And Luke ... remember ... resist the dark side, it leads to chaos.

This video is Star Wars - Imperial March, or Darth Vader's Theme. For some reason I genuinely like this song. The video is only one minute long, and well worth it. But don't watch it if you scare easily.

Broken Toys

The older I get the more I see us as broken toys. God's broken toys. I guess this post might seem more cynical tonight, because it's not a good night for me.

I never use to notice the imperfections as much. Maybe when we are younger we don't have as many, or I was just naive and couldn't see them. Or maybe with time we acquired more. But we all seem to have chinks in our armor, addictions, hooks, faults. A Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön calls it Shenpa.

We all have things to overcome. Mental problems like anxiety, depression, paranoia. Addictions to sex, drugs, alcohol, food, anger. Knee jerk reactions like pulling back from others because we have experienced passed hurts/disappointments, and are afraid of a replay. I've become an expert at that. The list of addictions, and acquired problems goes on, and on.

The statistics are bleak, (addictions at least). The majority don't overcome. I'm not happy with that. I spoke to someone about therapy. I am finally telling some people how bad my last episode of depression was. I called a mental health center. Usually it takes months to get into see someone. When I told her about my last episode of depression, she said that she would put a rush on it. I heard back within 48 hours. I guess I really do need therapy.

I usually am not angry. But lately I've been angry that I have depression, and it's not going away on it's own. I'm angry because I am beginning to realize that it has screwed up my life more then I thought. Invaded many aspects of my life. I'm also scared. I'm scared that I might not get better.

So what do we say about these chinks in our armor? We could say a lot. Tonight I see it as making us more human. Our similar imperfections draws us together. Maybe that's what a big chunk of being on this third rock from the sun is about. Relating to each other. Learning from one another, supporting, caring, sharing. Just relating. If we were perfect maybe we wouldn't interact so much. Maybe life is not so much about the outcome of being healed of additions, and solving problems, as it is about the interactions. Touching each others lifes. The journey. But don't get me wrong, I want this depression to disappear. I sure hope this isn't as good as it gets. Maybe I should call Tom Cruise, and ask him to wave his Scientology wand over me and cure me? Hm, I wounder if Dr. Deb might have his number? Life's a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

YouTube - The Beatles - With a little help from my friends


Related Posts - Therapy and Me

Are You Gay OR Straight? (Part 1)

ETC - Electroconvulsive Therapy or Shock Treatments

Therapy - What Works?

Wordless Wednesday

Sorry Bart, it's to late. Presenting my son...

1943 Guide to Hiring Women - Priceless!

We've come a long way baby!

This is a is from the July 1943 issue of Transportation Magazine. This was written for male supervisors of women in the workforce during World War 2 (WWII). The clipping is difficult to read so I have rewritten it.

This is priceless!

1. Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they're less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and deal with the public efficiently.

2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some point in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves, and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It's always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.

3. General experience indicates that "husky" girls - those who are just a little on the heavy side - are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special examination - one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibility of a lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.

5. Stress at the outset the importance of time, that a minute or two lost here or there make serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.

6. Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack the initiative in finding work themselves.

7. Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.

8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and was her hands several times a day.

9. Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can't shrug off harsh words the way men do. Never ridicule a woman - it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.

10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl's husband or father may swear vociferously, she'll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.

11. Get enough size variety in operator's uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can't be stressed too much in keeping women happy.

I have Evidence!

(Betsy walked into Linda's office with several office memos tucked under her arm.) You know I don't like a lot of office memos. I asked you not to send so many, but you did. I have EVIDENCE! (She yelled as she slammed the memos down on her coworkers desk).

(Linda looked stunned. It was obvious she didn't see this coming. She knew that Betsy had a problem with the volume of memo's, and thought that she had cut back on them to Betsy's satisfaction.)

(Betsy unloaded on Linda. Pointing to the office memos) Look! This is from 1/20, 1/19, 1/15, 1/14 etc. EVIDENCE! You are being disrespectful to me!

(Linda thumbed though the office memos with a bewildered look on her face. She never expected this outburst of anger. And Betsy had said nothing since Linda cut down on the memo's to her. Linda thought that things were fine between them.)

Just a moment Betsy. (Linda said, as she sifted though the responses to the office memos that Betsy sent to her.)

Ah, here it is. Here is your letter that you sent to me requesting that I cut down on office memos to you. Your letter states that I should send you office memos "once or twice a week, or less frequently." Later, you sent me a reminder letter that was very vague. It states. Send me memos "sometimes, off and on". I know that I cut down, (Linda explained.) I didn't actually count the memos at the time, (Linda picked up, and looked at the memos), but it looks like on average it was twice a week. I thought I was doing well in that area for you. You are the only one here that has a problem with my memos, but I cut down on the ones that I send to you, at your request. I have several people that I send memos to on a more frequent basis, they seem to enjoy them. I get a good response. Besides that, I have keep the memos to you shorter, and of a less personal nature. Keeping things light.

You see Betsy, I enjoy sending office memos to people, like you enjoy Blogging. Plus it is my main means of communication, but I cut down at your request. I thought that I was doing rather well, and was surprised to see you so angry when you entered my office. In the month that I cut down on office memos, you gave no indication whatsoever that you had a problem with my memos. This came out of the blue. I feel that I have bent backward to meet your request, but you did not appreciate my effort.

Related Post: Betsy and Linda (Office Talk)

Poll Results for ETC- Electroconvulsive Therapy

I recently took a poll concerning my post on ETC - Electroconvulsive Therapy or Shock Treatments.

I had good participation especially considering this is a new blog. The results are as follows...

Question- What do you think of ECT- Electroconvulsive Therapy?

It's barbaric and dangerous.- 10 votes.

The doctors/facilities use it to increase there $. - 1 Vote.

It could be beneficial , but use with caution. - 1 Vote.

It's effective as any other method of therapy.- 0 Votes

It's fantastic! A modern day miracle.- 0 Votes


I thank all those who participated in the poll! I hope to have another poll soon about another topic.


About these 2 YouTube videos- Diana Loper. "It only takes a minute to destroy a brain. At 24, Diana Loper was given electroshock for post-partum depression and an inability to sleep after the birth of her child. After 24 treatments, she was released in a far worse condition, and could no longer care for herself or her family . As a result, her husband divorced her and her child was taken away by the courts. This is her story..."

Diana Loper's Story Part- 1



Diana Loper's Story Part- 2

Standing with a Pal

A Pal of mine is apparently being stalked. She posted an e-mail on her blog that she apparently received from the stalker. I think it's a recent e-mail, but not sure. I hope it's not the same person who was stalking her several months ago. Due to confidentiality I won't give any details.

I can empathize with her. I was stalked before, myself. My heart, and good thoughts go out to her. Unfortunately she reacted by pulling back from everyone. But recently she reached out to me by adding me to her "Blog Soldiers" and "del.icio.us", so that when I registered I was lead to her blog. Cool!

I wish her the best, and stand with her. In doing so, I have added several websites to my blog under the heading "Being Stalked? Good resources". I plan to leave them up for about a week.

Breathe Just Breathe!

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

Looks like I am not the only one in their 40's who is unhappy. As I mentioned before, ever since my fathers death several years ago, I have had trouble with on and off depression. It was complicated, (you can read about it in my website.) So far the forties have been a bummer. A study by Professor Andrew Oswald on happiness reviles that I am not alone. Many about my age are having similar feelings. I am almost looking forward to turning 50!

Read about it... ABC News: Middle-Age Misery

Balkans: Don’t Worry, Be Happy

Scientific American