Happy New Year! - A Barefoot Holiday

I've found Barefoot Wine and will have Barefoot Bubbly Moscato Spumante Champagne and Zinfandel this New Year Eve. I've never tried them. The Pinot Noir is good. I'm packing on the pounds, so will have to put my shoes back on soon, but for now I will enjoy. ;)

Happy Holidays!

I saw these cute cards yesterday and bought some. This weekend I'm making out Christmas cards and setting up and decorating my little Christmas tree. I'm not going to any parties this year due to anxiety and remnants of depression. I'm doing better, but my life hasn't snapped back into place. It takes time folks. I don't' do well with large groups of people these days.

This weekend I'll light a candle and say a prayer for the friends and family of Jeri Suzanne Horne (Liquid Illuzion). It's hard to believe that it's been two years since we lost her.

Rochester will soon break the record for the most snow in December. The record is 46.2 inches (1.17 meters). We are less than 2" away! I guess I'll soon be using a dog sled to get around. Mush!

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas to ALL and to ALL a good night!

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Libra, Love of My Life (part 2 of 2)

Introduction

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This is the second part and conclusion of "Libra, Love of my Life". If you haven't read my first post please do so, or this will not make sense. In the 1980's I would meet Libra and have a 7 year relationship with her. This is the true story in a nutshell. To protect identities I have changed names, blurred dates, and omitted physical descriptions, etc. I wrote each small chapter as one paragraph in order to prevent this from being 3 parts. I also wrote this using two different computers so some chapters may appear different. I hope that you pay attention to the spirit of what I say rather than the form. This post is the second of two and the conclusion.
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The Ring
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When it was all falling apart, when I knew that Libra would leave me soon, I gave her a ring. I couldn't afford anything extravagant on a nurse aide salary, but I did my best. I bought it from a reputable fine jeweler. It was lovely, a 10k gold band with her favorite gemstone and small diamonds. It was something that I should have given to her a year or two prior. I wasn't trying to keep Libra. I knew that she would leave me soon. I just wanted her to have one final small token of my love and appreciation. She gladly accepted it.

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The Inconsiderate Blow

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Libra reveled to me in an uncharacteristically harsh manor that she was sleeping with Sally. She rubbed it in my face. I burst into tears weeping like a baby as Libra held me. She had finally gotten what she wanted, the end of our relationship. But she didn't have to tell me in that way. All she needed to do was merely tell me that she was sleeping with Sally and I would have left her. Apparently she didn't realize that.

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Saving the Cake

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When Libra and I broke up I was heartbroken. It was the loneliest time in my life even until today. I felt unbearably lonely. Libra and I talked, we acknowledged that we were very best friends and we both wanted to save the friendship, (the cake). We decided to continue to see each other, but as friends only. There was nothing physical. We continued to see each other very intermittently for 3 years. Every time her girlfriend protested we had to stop seeing each other for awhile. So it was on and off contingent upon Libra's girlfriend Sally. I couldn't blame Sally, after all Libra was in the habit of getting bored and returning to an ex. I was now an ex and still in Libra's life, but I knew that I would never sleep with Libra again. She wasn't capable of a stable long-term relationship and that was hurtful to me. After an intermittent 3 year friendship I had to say good-bye to Libra. I just couldn't handle it. I don't do well with unstable, inconsistent relationships even in a good friendship. It was too hurtful. Libra and I parted on good terms.

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I Knew This Day Would Come

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Years later Libra would call me because she noticed that a relative of mine had died. She read it in the newspaper obituary section. She offered her condolences, and then the conversation turned. She mentioned that she was in the mist of a 3 year relationship. She asked me if I was "seeing anyone" and if I was "happy". I didn't want to lie, so I just told her that I was "doing just fine", in my most cheerful voice allowing her to assume that I was with someone. Libra sighed a disappointed sounding "Oh". Then she wanted to give me her phone number and rattled off the numbers. I didn't even bother to pick up a pen. It was obvious that she hadn't changed. She still was uncommitted drifting from one ex to the next. I needed more stability then that. Libra was a wonderful person and I cared about her, I just couldn't go through that again. I have never called her, nor will I. My phone number is no longer listed because I only have a call phone now. Perhaps it's just as well.
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Hope for Love In The Future

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I hope to eventually find someone to share my life with. Hopefully I will one day regard Libra as the love of my youth, and another special lady as the love of my, um, more mature years. I am a realist. I've had relationship with different types of women since Libra and am not looking for a carbon copy of her, however, she had some characteristics that I admire and hope to find in someone else. Of course being with someone who is capable of a stable relationship is important to me. Getting along with each other and being compatible is too. So is a strong friendship with mutual admiration, trust, and respect, etc. Id' like enough commonalities to be on the same page. If I ever moved in with a lady it probably wouldn't be in a matter of months, more like years, if ever. Then I might need a "man cave" ;) Right now I'm busy rebuilding my life after losses due to depression so I'm not actively looking for a special lady, yet I don't know who's around the corner. ;)
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Conclusion

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Before I wrote this post I thought in terms of Libra and I having had a 4 year relationship together. However, while I was writing this, and consulting some old calendars, I realized that we actually had 7 years together. It's just that the last 3 years were as Friends, not lover. Now that I'm older and looking back on my life to my precious very best friends that I've had, I count Libra among them. To Libra's credit she gave me about 3 marvelous years of a good stable love relationship before things gradually went down hill. Libra warned me about her commitment issues early on and probably stayed lovers with me longer than she intended for my sake. Libra had many positive attributes including a huge heart. She was truly very "good people". We all have our vices, our flaws, our imperfections. The older I get the more I realize that most people don't change even when they try. The old bad habits and patterns tend to return. I needed a very long-term stable relationship with Libra that she was incapable of providing. However, I recognize that she tried her best. Unfortunately it was an irresolvable impasse. I feel very grateful for the time that we had together and all the wonderful things that we shared. I feel privileged and grateful to have known her and to have been a part of her life. Happiness meant a great deal to Libra and I sincerely hope that she is happy. The song "Something About You", by Level 42 has always reminded me of her. Libra was truly wonderful and remarkable!...Thank you for reading these 2 long posts and for allowing me to share Libra and a bit of my life with you! ;)

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Libra, Love of My Life (part 1 of 2)

I haven’t written much about my exes, but Libra was someone quite wonderful and remarkable. Libra was the love of my life. I’m sure that these 2 posts won’t do her justice, nor articulate how unique and charismatic she was, but I’ll give it a try. In the 1980’s I would meet Libra and have a 7 year relationship with her. This is the true story in a nutshell. To protect identities I have changed names, blurred dates, and omitted physical descriptions, etc. I wrote each small chapter as one paragraph in order to prevent this from being 3 parts. I also wrote this using two different computers so some chapters may appear different in font etc. I hope that you pay attention to the spirit of what I say rather than the form. This post is the first of two.

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Background

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I was in my mid to late 20’s and still a virgin when I met this endearing woman. I had previously graduated from Bible college, and was in denial concerning my sexually. Libra was approximately 10 years my senior. She had several previous relationships with both men and women. She didn’t like labels such as gay, straight, or bi. Libra was easygoing, kind, gentle, confident, charming, attractive, feminine, and compassionate. She was smart with a good memory, and was well educated. She had a fun, effervescent, personality. Her hearty, feminine contagious laughter drew people to her.

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We Were On the Same Page

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Libra and I came from similar backgrounds and had similar views. We were highly compatible. We both liked easy-going, harmonious relationship, but disliked drama and arguing. We worked hard, but played easy preferring relaxing activities. I grew up an only child in the suburbs. Libra also grew up in the suburbs with only one sibling who was considerably older than her. She virtually grew up as an only child too. We were use to solitary, quiet, and space. We never asked each other to move in, nor did we need to explain to each other the need to have our own place to be alone. (To this day I have never had a roommate, except in college). We were both closeted at the time, so we were careful around each other's families. We had mutual admiration and respect. We were comfortable with each other and enjoyed each other's company. We were very best friends. Libra use to say that “sex was the icing on the cake and the cake was our relationship/friendship”. We had a great cake! As for the icing, that was great too. Libra said that she “never had an “O” before she met me". We both enjoyed a lot of good icing and “O”s.

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What Does A Lesbian Couple Do?

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The same thing that heterosexual couples do. In the beginning we would occasionally stay at a nice hotel making love like rabbits. We went on vacations together. She introduced me to Canandaigua, NY which became one of my favorite vacation spots. We visited each other's families during Christmas, and went to Christmas services at church. Libra loved greeting cards so we would often exchange cards, and small gifts. Sometimes we would slow dance in her kitchen after supper. She had a way of starting a joke and passing it to me; I’d add to it and pass it back. It was fun! We sometimes watched T.V. and snuggled together enjoying each other's company. Like most couples we occasionally went out to dinner and/or movie. What we did wasn’t extraordinary, but the person I was with was.

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Not Perfect

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I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, neither were we, but it was very good. In the early months I was having moral conflict over being a Christian and sleeping with a woman. I would sometimes voice my opinion to Libra which made it difficult on us. Libra wasn’t perfect either. She was great at seeing both sides of a conflict and giving good impartial advice, unless she was one of the people in the conflict. Then she acted like she couldn’t see the other person’s point of view. She just wanted to win the argument. Libra had such a good memory that she would quote me verbatim during arguing which would secretly put me in awe of her. Fortunately for me, arguments were rare because she hated arguing as much as I did. Her biggest flaw was her trouble with commitment. She tried to warn me early on saying, “I have difficulty with commitment, however, I’ve had more fun with you than anyone else”. I thought that the fun factor would make me the acceptation to the rule. I thought wrong.

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Boredom Set In

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Around our third year together Libra slowly pulled away from me. She was starting to act bored with me, and didn’t want to be with me as often. Sex which had been frequent in the beginning was now rare. This happened gradually over time. Meanwhile, my feelings towards Libra never wavered. I still loved her and wanted to be with her. I believed that I would spend the rest of my life with her. On one occasion Libra told me that she had only slept with a handful of people. She would be with someone for 2-3 years break-up then go back to a former lover. She did this repeatedly. I think she told me this to prepare me. Eventually one day Libra told me that we should have an “open relationship" so that I could date others. She said that it would “be good for me since I was in my 20’s and had only slept with one person. Also I might find a man which would be more acceptable to my family and religion” However, I knew that she wanted an open relationship for her own sake, not mind, yet I never voiced my belief. Eventually I reluctantly agreed to an open relationship. However, I purposed in my heart not to sleep with anyone else, even if Libra denied me sex. I would remain faithful to Libra.
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The Last Piece of the Puzzle

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Time went by. We had now been together 4 years. Libra's restlessness and boredom had reached its peak. I watched our relationship slowly deteriorate, sad and frustrated that I couldn't do anything about it. Then one day Libra told me that she "ran into" her ex, Sally. I remember that Libra described Sally as "smart with a great body" Since Libra had a habit of going back to her exes I knew that she and Sally would soon sleep together, ending our relationship. I never expected to be in Libra's life for 3 more years.

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Folks, I hope that you come back for the second post and conclusion of "Libra, Love of My Life." The next chapter title is "The Ring".

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My Thanksgiving Wish

Dear Magical Thanksgiving Wish Turkey,
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My wish for the next Thanksgiving and holidays is to have a girlfriend. Not just any girlfriend, but one that is compatible and such. I want her because holidays are better with someone special.
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Early Thanks, (By the way your cousin tasted delicious)

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Awake

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P.S. If she really likes sex that would be great too! ;)

No More Depression! It’s been one YEAR!

Great news folks, my shrink has told me that I’m not clinically depressed! It’s been about one YEAR since my last episode of depression. Frankly, I think that I started going to him when I was getting better. I didn't want to go to him sooner because when I was depressed I had some dark thoughts that I wouldn't have wanted to share.

He has realized that I’ve gotten better primarily on my own and asked me what has made the difference. Besides all the good thoughts and prayer of good people like you, (thank you!), I believe that my diet in particular has placed a key roll in my recovery. I haven't taken any medication for depression.

For a long while I had to live off the food I got from food cupboard donations. Much of it was canned and boxed highly processed food with a very limited variety of canned vegetables. I rarely got any fresh fruit or vegetables. I’m grateful for what I got, however it wasn’t a very healthy diet. Now that I’m on food stamps, plus have had a health scare, I started to eat a much healthier diet. It's much more balanced nutritionally. I’m eating a diet rich in fresh fruit and vegetables. I’ve also switched to healthy fats/oils like olive oil. I’ve been taking A-Z multiple vitamin and mineral tablets. I also read that serotonin is good for depression so I’ve been eating 1 oz of deluxe mixed nuts and a potato a day. Eating garlic may be helping as well. Although I'm not on the Mediterranean diet, my diet is similar. I'm sure that exercise like walking has helped me too, although I have not been consistent.

I’m aware that I’m not out of the woods. Depression is like having a severe injury that is prone to re-injury. In other words depression is a weakness that can return. I have to stay vigilant in my fight against it and do what I can to maintain the ground that I’ve gained. I’ve chosen to keep seeing a shrink, (believe it or not). I think that he has helped a bit, but honestly not nearly as much as I thought he should have. Due to a change in my health care insurance I will need to drop him and get a new shrink. Hopefully the new shrink will be more effective. Right now I’m just very happy that I’m no longer in depression!

By the way, eatting healthy has had other benifits. I have lost 47 pounds so far.

For more information on the link between diet and depression read...

Depression Guide, Depression and Diet by WebMD

and Nutrition: Lower Depression Risk Linked to Mediterranean Diet by The New York Times

photo credit

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wishing you all a fun, safe, and blessed holiday!

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Leukemia's little dance with me

"Leukemia is cancer of the blood cells that starts in the bone marrow." Doctors have been telling me for about 10 months that I might have leukemia. CML was the main suspect. It has been a long year.

It all started with flu like symptoms, leg pain, wheezing, and a low grade fever that lasted months. I asked my Homer Simpson like doctor for an H1N1 test, but he said I wasn't "sick enough". He didn't even examine me. Blood tests were taken and a high white blood cell (WBC) count was found, (leukocytosis). I was sent to an oncologist at Strong hospital, and so leukemia's little dance with me began.

Next came a parade of doctors and exams. Within 10 months I averaged one doctor's visit per month, had 6 series of blood tests, a CAT-Scan, an ultrasound, an endometrial biopsy, a bone marrow biopsy, and a partridge in a pear tree. Why didn't my oncologist tell me from the start that the bone marrow biopsy/aspiration was the only true test to diagnosis leukemia? I would have had it sooner!

About 2 weeks ago I walked into Strong's Wilmot Cancer Center and took a seat close to the door. I never sat that close to the clinics entrance before, but this was D-Day; the day of my bone marrow biopsy results. The day I would FINALLY have a definitive answer as to whether or not I had leukemia. I wanted this appointment to be over with quickly.

Someone wheeled a woman in a wheelchair near the seat next to mine. She stood, walked a few steps and plopped down into it. She was thin, pale, shaking, and was wearing a scarf that didn't fully cover her bald head. I figured that she was having chemotherapy treatments, or had just finished.

Another lady came over and sat down to my right. She had good color in her face, but less than an inch of hair growth on her head. She smiled easily and had a spring in her step. I surmised that she probably had finished chemo treatments with favorable results.

I sat between these two unique ladies wondering if I would be joining their exclusive club that day; a club that my mother had once belonged to. My mother suffered with cancer for 9 years. I'm approximately the same age that my mother was when she died of cancer. This was all too real to me.

Time passed. Both ladies were called before I was. 45 minutes after my scheduled appointment I was finally called into the clinic. I followed the aide inside. A quick right turn, sat in the chair, stuck out my arm for the B.P. cuff, all before she could finish her instructions. I hated that I knew the routine by heart. I was weighted. Yay, another half pound lost! Then I went on to the examination room. The examination room was the same one that I had been in several times before, but it seemed so much smaller now.

I was a bit nervous, but not nearly as much as in the past several days. A relative who sometimes accompanied me couldn't make it that day. I was glad. I wanted to hear the news alone. In the beginning I didn't tell anyone that I might have cancer. Eventually I told a relative who has cancer and could relate. I guess I just didn't want to be pitied or regarded differently. Cancer or not, I am still me.

15 minutes later my oncologist entered the room. She blurted it out. "Your bone marrow biopsy was negative." "No leukemia? I asked. "No leukemia and it looked normal. No disease. You may have had an infection which elevated you WBC count. It has reduced, but still is slightly high. I believe that you have a high normal." she explained.

Fortunately I no longer had to see my oncologist. I said good-bye to my oncologist forever and hoped that I would never see the inside of a cancer clinic again. It seems that leukemia's little dance with me was finally over. I was one of the lucky ones, but I was painfully aware that it could have gone another way. The older I get the more random things like this seem.

You'd think that I'd feel happy, or relieved, but I didn't. I felt angry. Very angry! This all started with flu like symptoms including a wheeze and fever. When I went to my Dr. Homer Simpson during the H1N1 outbreak he refused to test me for it. He said I wasn't "sick enough". He should have at least given me a checkup. Apparently I did have some kind of virus that affected my lungs. Later it showed up on my CAT-Scan as cloudiness in both lungs. The conclusion note said that it was probably an "infection or asthma". It also showed up as a high WBC count. If my doctor had been on the ball, he would have diagnosed it and I would have avoided 10 months of hell. D'OH!

I can't even talk to my counselor about my anger. My counselor has worked with my doctor in the past. Every time I say something negative, he defends my doctor. I canceled my next session. Repressed anger in me tends to turn into depression. What do you do when you're angry or frustrated? How do you let off steam?

Currently I'm dealing with many feelings that I'm trying to sort out. I'm trying to get some prospective on things. I also still feel a connection with leukemia patients that I don't want to quickly disconnect from. I wonder if there is some purpose for this connection. In the next few months I have to follow-up with some doctors concerning medial crap including a few exams. I'm not really concerned. I figure that if the average person my age had all the tests I've had, they would probably find a few things wrong with them too. Hopefully nothing significant will be found.

So that's a synopsis of leukemia's little dance with me. It's been odd, eye opening, heartbreaking, frustrating, all too real at times. But it hasn't been fun.

Again, I want to thank all those who have left me kind comments, sent prayer, good thoughts/vibes. Thanks so very much for caring! I appreciate it!

By the way, a good book on the subject is, "100 Questions and Answers About Leukemia" (second edition) by Edward D. Ball.

My Bone Marrow Biopsy Results

I've been meaning to post something; I have just been so emotional that it's been difficult. Also so much has been going on medically for almost a year that it's difficult to put into words. I've written 3 drafts to a post and they are all a bit different. I just have to wait until my emotions settle down a bit and until I can put it into some proper words. But for now I just wanted to get back to you with the good news. My bone marrow biopsy/aspiration was negative! They didn't find any disease. I no longer have to see that specialist. I'll tell you more later once I get my head together. My sincere thanks goes out to each of you who has cared, prayed, set out good thoughts/vibes, and left a kind comment. It has met a great deal to me! It's been a very difficult year. I'll explain more soon.

Election Day Changes

Have you heard of the voting day changes? I'm not sure why they changed things at the last minute. Confusion city!

Here are the changes in a nutshell. If you'r a Democrat then you should vote On Tuesday Nov. 2 as previously told. If you are Republican show up 24 hours later on Wednesday, Nov. 3. If you belong to another party, but are voting primarily for Democrats, then vote with Democrats on Tuesday Nov 2. All the rest report on Nov 3.

Get out the vote! ;)

Happy Halloween!

My adorable miniature pumpkin wanted to frolic among the foliage at the park today. Isn't he cute?

Safe & Happy Halloween!

from Pumpky and Awake!

To view more of Rochester area foliage click here and here.

My Bone Marrow Biopsy, (When in doubt, take dope)

I’m so very, very, glad that I asked to be medicated for my bone marrow biopsy! What was supposed to be a 15 minute “exam” lasted an hour and fifteen minutes.

The physicians assistant (P.A.) was suppose to poke a huge needle into my hip bone taking a marrow sample, then chip off a sample of my bone. The problem was that my bone was “hard” and gave her a fight. She tried 2 or 3 times at the first sight. Then she had to pull the needle out, and stuck me at another site. It took another few tries before she got a sample. Ek! My poor, dear, hip bone was just doing what bones are supposed to do, be hard and protect. The poor baby.

The good news is that I probably don’t have osteoporosis. The bad news is that the procedure took five times as long. I’m so very glad I asked to be doped up, (sedative and pain meds). No way in hell would I have been able to go through all that without meds.

Folks, when it comes to exams, procedures, and operations, if there is any doubt in your mind, then play it safe! Go conservative. Do what you need to do to get through it.

By the way, having ready-to-eat food on hand for the next few days was a good idea. I was so doped up when I got home that I didn’t dare turn the stove on. A premade half a turkey sub, salad, and protein bar was perfect for the first night. The homemade beef stew loaded with healthy veggies was perfect for the next few nights.

Well, my poor hip bone and I survived the ordeal, but neither of us wants to do it again. A result of the exam is pending. (I can’t believe that they call it an exam, it was an in hospital operation as far as I’m concerned.)

You should have seen me. I asked my relative, (who drove me home), where my purse was. She replied, “On your shoulder”. Talk about doped up! I think that I staggered into my apartment. It would have made a funny video if taped.

Personal Update - Seeing the Finish Line (I Hope)

I still don't have a computer and have to post at the library which is cramping my style. This was written a few days ago.

I've been very busy with medical stuff. The highlight of my weekend was hearing that Columbus Day is on Monday, and my doctor's office will be closed. Hallelujah! My counselor says that my life rotates around medical stuff now, and it's like a full time job. He's right! I've scheduled everything for the next few months hoping to finish before Christmas. I will have seen 4 different doctors and have various tests including THE TEST. Yes, they are finally testing me on Oct 21 to see if I have that horrible disease. Then I get the results early in November. The test is a bone marrow biopsy. It's evasive, and barbaric. They screw a large needle into the bone and extract some marrow. Honestly, what sadistic person conceived of this test? Sheesh! I asked them to knock me out for the test. (I'm a big baby!)

From my CAT Scan (Meow!) and extensive blood test they found a few other things that don't look perfect. That's why I'm seeing a boat load of doctors. So far, so good. The worst that they have found to date is a non-cancerous fibroid in my uterus that probably needs removing. (My OB-GYN is on my list of doctors to see.) Fibroids are very common in women and I have a history of them. So no big deal.

I figure it's all relative. I mean if they picked a 50ish woman out of a crowd at random and put her thought a battery of tests like I've had, they would probably find several small things wrong with her too. Hey, nobodies perfect! Right!?

Today's Columbus Day and I'll veg out and relax before I resume the medical marathon. I need a break.

I feel very good, and am eating healthy. I've lost a nice chunk of weight form proper eating. (I have more to go.) I don't have any pain. My doctor doesn't think that I have that horrible disease, (neither do I), but the bone marrow biopsy is the only way to know for sure. My white blood cell count has come down a bit, but is still high (Leukocytosis). I hope and pray to be done with all this medical crap before Christmas. I'd greatly appreciate your prayers and/or good thoughts!!!

Summer's Return

Pass the sun block and iced tea please! Summer has snuck back into Rochester. The next several days will be in the mid 70's (24c) to mid 80's (29c). Ah, it's so nice! Then it's back to comfortable, moderate temperatures. It's such a delightful time of year.

I'm looking forward to the wide array of beautifully colored leafs this Autumn. I might take a stroll through Highland Park, and perhaps a picnic. It should be spectacular!

For local folks, remember that the Naples Grape Festival is this weekend. Try one of Linda's yummy grape pies (roadside stand). I won't be going because I lost a nice chunk of weight, and it would be too tempting. Enjoy!

Wordless Wednesday - Sofia Vergara of Modern Family

Beautiful Sofia Vergara of Modern Family makes me long for a Latin lover. ;)

She is from Colombia, has brains (studied to be a dentist), and was Hilarius on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. click here for video.

photo credit and here

Personal Update & Random Thoughts

Cinnamon sprinkles in coffee smells and tastes wonderful!
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I'm doing well and feeling good. I'm eating healthy, and have lost a nice chunk of weight. I haven't had an episode of depression in about 8 months. This is a miracle considering that I'm out of work and have ongoing medical testing. I thank God that the depression has abated. I believe that It has something to do with healthy eating. Mmm veggies! My counselor is surprised that I'm doing so well. However, I don't think I'm out of the words yet. I’m working with my counselor to take small steps toward mental wellness. Physical tests are scheduled for the next few months. Your prayers and good thoughts are greatly appreciated. I hope they don't find any disease.

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I have a wonderful family. Sometimes I think that my aunt is an angel. She’s very caring and knows just what to say.

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I’ll be glad when Gray’s Anatomy returns on Sept. 23^rd. It’s one of the few good T.V. shows on non cable T.V. It’s cathartic because I often cry as I relate to Meredith Gray.

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Televangelists seem stuck in the 50’s or 80’s at best. Their teaching techniques, songs, and sermons, are stuck in the past. They basically have two teaching styles, they preach from the pulpit, or a few people sit and chat. They could learn a lot from Dr. Wayne Dyer who uses a mixture of lecture, multi-media, modern songs, short stories, and short testimonies form guests, all with a modern flavor. Why can’t they recognize that they are losing the younger generation and upgrade?
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Does it bother anyone else that God killed so many people and so often in the Old Testament? I hate killing. Little wonder that I consider myself a New Testament gal.
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This Rochester summer is beautiful if you like it hot. We have had lots of weather in the 80’s. We only had a handful of days in the early 90s. We have hard winters, but the other seasons are lovely! Temperatures are moderating nicely now, and I’m looking forward to a colorful, beautiful, refreshing, autumn.

The Siesta

I saw a spot on my living room rug. I thought it might be a patch of dirt, or a leaf. However, I was suspicious since I had vacuumed the day before.

It was a hot day and my A/C was hitting the spot nicely. I decided to investigate.

I approached the spot slowly. It did look a bit odd. My foot was right next to it when I decided to give it a little kick.

To my surprise the spot quickly grew many legs as it made a mad dash towards the couch. It ran head first into the couch leg. Stunned, it recoiled a few inches, and then scooted underneath the couch.

Apparently it was a small centipede taking a siesta, enjoying the cool breeze of the A/C. Now it had a concussion and was being pursued.

I didn't have any insecticide so arming myself with a can of air freshener, and a broom. I tried to flush the critter out. No luck.

A few days later I found him in my bathtub taking another cool siesta. Good thing I looked before I hopped in! Well, that was the end of the siesta enjoying centipede.

Moral of the story - Be careful where you take your siesta. The coolest place many not be the safest. And always look in the tub before you enter or you may be bathing with an uninvited guest.

Do you have any critter stories?

photo credit

Explosions at Rochester Airport

I was not planing on using the library computer today, but something has happened and I wanted to make you aware. Around 12:50 I heard a boom. It sounded like an explosion. My neighbor said that her apartment shook. It took awhile for the news to trickle in. At first it was very sketchy. An explosion of some kind at the Rochester Airport. At lest one person was hurt.

It took about 2 very long hours for us to get any official word from County Executive Maggie Brooks and Airport Director David Damelio... "Two hydrogen tanks at Monroe County's alternative fuel station on Scottsville Road exploded and caught fire this afternoon, sending black smoke high in the air. The blasts were heard as far away as Pittsford."

"A 24-year-old male employee of Praxair drove an 18-wheel truck carrying a compressed-hydrogen tank to the station to replace another truck and tank."... "The mostly empty hydrogen tank exploded and caught fire about 12:50 p.m. Officials believe that there was some sort of arcing on the ground that spread the flames to the truck with the full tank, which also exploded. By the time of Brooks’ 2:45 p.m. briefing, the hydrogen had been burned off and the fire extinguished."

Two people were injured. The truck driver and a 20-year-old female employee of a nearby Burger King suffered ear pain. "Concourse B, the westernmost part of the airport terminal, was evacuated for about an hour." "Scottsville and Paul roads were among several streets that were closed during the firefighting effort."

The cause of the explosion is under investigation. "It is an accident," Damelio said. "We need to find out what caused it and what we can do to keep this from happening again in the future."

I was very relieved to hear that it was not terrorism and that no one was killed. It is a different time folks. It makes you think!

For more information- "Rochester airport explosion: Hydrogen tanks ignite" by Democrat and Chronicle.com

Pondering The Pussy

CAT Scan test results are in, and I'm pondering them. The good news is that I'm in no immediate danger. Nothing horrible appeared. The bad new is that they found one or two new things that may, or may not be serious. It's unknown at this time.

Nothing conclusive. No diagnoses. Not one definite answer to date. And they have not ruled out that horrible disease that I could have. It is very frustrating! I have to have more tests, and see 3 doctors now, starting on Thursday.

Are you tired of all this? I sure am! I hope that what I have is curable, or at lest highly manageable. I also hope that they get to the bottom of this soon. Good thoughts/prays are always appreciated.

What's New Pussycat by Tom Jones <-- Click on this

Personal Update - Incompetent Knucklehead!

Incompetent Knucklehead! - I had a telephone interview with my Food Stamp social worker. She said that she had received my paperwork, that it was in order and I would continue to get Food Stamps. That was a month ago. A few days ago I got a letter from her stating that she had never received my paperwork, and that my Food Stamps will be cut off on July 31st. I have a receipt for the paperwork and mailed a copy to her. I hope it sparks her memory. It would be nice to have money for food. Please say it with me... INCOMPETENT KNUCKLEHEAD!

Inspection Time - Every year we have inspection at my apartment complex. I save way too many things. Where did all this junk come from? I'm trashing most of it. Clean, clean, clean. Anyone want to dust?

My Mysterious Disease (The Plot Thickens) - My doctor found a hard spot in my tummy area when he examined me. Last night's Chinese dinner? I wish! The spot is sore and I've been aware of it. My CAT SCAN is scheduled for Wednesday July 28th. Please pray/send good thoughts that it's something very minor and curable!

Cell/Web Telephone is OFF - I didn't renew my Straight Talk phone this month. It updated itself and screwed itself up. At first I couldn't get Face Book, then Twitter. Now I'm using my free government Safe Link phone instead. Hm, I wonder if Pres. Obama is listening in on me? He would hear me calling my social worker an incompetent knucklehead. Because my not so smart phone is off, I won't be online as much. I'll post occasionally on the library computer, but have to use it primarily for job seeking. My counselor also wants me out and about more. Hey, it's summer! A great time for being outside. I'll still try to keep in touch. I don't want to lose you folks so don't forget me.

One Big Cucumber! - Does it look suspicious when a woman buys one big cucumber and nothing else at the supermarket? Um, just wondering. ;)

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Thank God for Air Conditioning!

The last two days have been in the low 90's (33c), today should be about 95f (35c). Some people love this weather. I like spring, or "blazer weather" as a friend of mine called it. But I can't complain, it's better than a snow storm. Hey, it's typical July weather. It will cool down soon.

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Well folks, I'm headed home to my wonderful air conditioned apartment. I'll write an update soon. I've been busy with paper work and getting my apartment cleaned for inspection. I tend to save too many things.

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Stay safe! If it's hot in your area drink plenty of fluids, and don't overdue.

An Angel Dies. A Devil Lives.

Robert Byrd, longest-serving U.S. senator entered the hospital and unfortunately expired. Senator Byrd was one of the very few brave souls who stood up against ceding war making powers to Pres. George W. Bush. Byrd was against the Iraq war from the beginning. That was a difficult stand then because the Bush administration spread propaganda equating the Iraq war with the war on terrorism. In the oppressive atmosphere of the time, if you opposed invading Iraq, then you were seen as unpatriotic. I’ve admired Senator Byrd ever since his courageous stand. We’ve lost a good man!

"The president is hoping to secure power under the Constitution that no president has ever claimed before, never," Byrd said. "The Bush administration wants (the) president to have the power to launch this nation into war — without provocation and without clear evidence of an imminent attack on the United States. And we're going to be foolish enough to give it to him."

Former Vice President Dick Cheney was also recently hospitalized. It is said that he was the mastermind behind the unnecessary war against Iraq which took tens of thousands of innocent lives. Cheney also advocated torturous methods for extracting information form prisoners. Somehow he got away with it. Cheney was treated and released from the hospital. Devils don’t die easily.

Note: The United Nations former Secretary-General Kofi Annan has stated that the US led invasion of Iraq was an illegal act that contravened the US charter.

The Title is used comparatively speaking. I realized that Senior Byrd had a checkered past, and did some things that he would later greatly regret and apologize for.

Earthquake in Ontario-Quebec, Canada felt in Rochester + Buffalo, NY

Did you feel that? The photos on the wall rocked back and forward clicking. Iced Tea in my glass swished back and forward. My apartment seemed to slightly shake. It lasted about 30 seconds to a minute.

Yes, it was an earthquake! "The U.S. Geological Service reports a 5.5 magnitude quake that originated in Ontario-Quebec border 12 miles below the surface at 1:45 p.m., but it was felt as far as Detroit, Cleveland, Rochester and Buffalo." Details are sketchy now, but local news 13WHAM confirms and adds that they have noticed many Twitter and Facebook comments from Rochester. Click on 13WHAM for more local updates. By the way, it was the 3rd earthquake I've felt in my life. All of them small.

A good news article from CBC News Toronto Canada. Just posted by my buddy maniar on Twitter. Thanks Jaffer!

Homosexuality Similar to Alcoholism?

Several Christians throughout the years have told me that they equate homosexuality to alcoholism. The message to me is that they believe that being a homosexual is sinful and addictive like alcoholism, a stand a bit less harsh then what is preached at some pulpits. It is met to be consoling, (believe it or not). I understand what they mean because I grew up in a “Full Gospel” conservative Christian church. However, in a way it is a backhanded slap in the face.

I do not believe that homosexuals or the act of homosexuality is sinful. I’m a Bible College graduate, and have studied the Bible on this subject using study helps that are acceptable to conservative Christians. That doesn't mean that you have to come to the same conclusion, but at least make a good study of with an open heart, and mind before you speak on the subject to a homosexual. Telling a homosexual that homosexuality is sinful and similar to alcoholism is like telling someone who is divorced and remarried that they are sinning and committing adultery. Or telling a fat person that they are a glutton and sinning, (thin people can be gluttons and not all fat people are). Making statements like these are rude, judgmental, divisive, and just plain wrong!

The Bible may be written in black and white, but it is difficult to interpret. The Bible is 66 books written by about 40 authors over a period of approximately 1500 years. It was written in a different time, county, language, and very different customs. Studying the Bible and being familiar with these differences are imperative to understand it.

Some people pick up the Bible and read it believing that they can understand it that way. However, proper interpretation is in the studying. In order to understand the Bible you have to go back to the original languages, customs, keep it in context, etc. I’ve written about this before (see links below) and don’t want to get into a discussion concerning dogma, like I did in other posts (see links below).

I just wanted to remind Christians of a few things when talking to homosexuals and others with whom you may not agree. 1) Be careful not to come across as being to harsh, or judgmental. This attitude can turn some from God and the Church. 2) Study the Bible with an open mind and heart, instead of only reading it. 3) Try to love, and accept the people for who they are. If you can't accept the person, then be honest with yourself and don't befriend them, or you may do more harm then good. Mt.18:6

For more on my views concerning homosexuality, and also tips on how to study the Bible visit the links below-

As a Bible College Graduate, Why Can't You See That Homosexuality is a Sin?

What I Believe About Homosexuality and The Bible.

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Farewell to my Ex

I just want to say a short farewell to my Ex. The one out of state.

We meet again at a time when we were both having significant difficulties. We both said things that we should not have. I apologize for my part. It's a shame that we couldn't find a way to some sort of friendship. We were able to be friends the first 2 times.

I will always fondly remember the sweet lady, and friend of those earlier days.

I notice that you are gone. You have had a difficult life. I'm glad to see that you're doing better. I sincerely wish you well.

~Peace


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Wordless Wednesday - Rochester Greek Festival

Rochester Greek Festival will be held at 962 East Ave. near the Eastman House on June 3-6. On Thurs-Sat the times will be from 11am-11pm and on Sunday it will be from noon-11pm.

I don't know if I'll be dancing, but I'll eat some Dolmades (stuffed grape leaves with rice and veggies). MMM!

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Just Call Me Hummingbird!

I’ve been catching myself humming lately, just unconsciously humming a nice tune. It happens often now. It’s a little thing, but something I don’t remember doing during times of depression. It’s another little sign of recovery to me, and a nice thing to have back in my life.
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Click here for Hummingbird by Seals & Crofts (YouTube)
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Personal Update - Getting Healthy Step by Step

Depression is like a bully knocking you down to the ground for no reason at all. Unfortunately, it doesn't take long to be knocked down. But it takes time to get up, and many, many, baby steps to learn how to walk again. I'm taking baby steps, and trying very hard with minimal results so far. But results will come with time. My buddy Meleah Rebeccah got it right with her series "Doing Things Differently". You have to change your bad habits and get new ones in order to change. Many of the changes are small, but will result in significant positive results over time. Small steps. I want to have a health, and normal life again. Small steps!

Good News! - It's been about 8 months since I've had an episode of depression! I'm cautiously optimistic. I'm working hard trying to keep depression at bay.

I've Changed My Eating Habits - About a year ago I was living on processed, starchy, high calorie, pantry food (donated). Since I got food-stamps, and a health scare, I've been eating good healthy food. Including lots of veggies, plus a daily vitamin. I'm trying to get healthy, or at least give my body what it needs to fight the disease that I have. (Whatever that is)

Walkies - I'm staring to go on short walks. Wow, am I out of shape! The walks are short now, but distance will increases in time.

Counseling - The guy is alright. I'm learning how to work with him. I've learned that he is unfocused, and tends to forget. So I need to stress what I need, and he comes up with helpful ideas.

Getting Out More - I'm getting out and about more. My counselor wants me to mingle with people more, and also do things that interest me. Admittedly, I have to work on this. More activity opportunities will come in summer. At least I'm getting out a little more.

May I Go Back To Work? - When I asked my counselor this question, he said that I wasn't ready. However, I think that if I got just the right type of job, he might change his mind. I'm going to work on this with him. I hope to go back to work soon. Otherwise, I'll have to get a lawyer and apply for disability with takes more than 6 months to kick in. Then the first 6 months are the lawyers fees. Ek! The system isn't set up to help people.

Why Are You Doing So Well Depression Wise? - My counselor asked this. I possibly could have a terrible disease, and my aunt died recently, but I'm doing good. I think that part of it is eating a much healthier diet, and taking vitamins. Also a part are YOUR prayers and good thoughts. Thanks a ton! Please keep sending them. Something is working. ~crossing fingers~

I Might Not Be On The Internet Quite As Much - As you can see, my plate is full. Right now I have to considerate on getting healthy, and that takes a lot of time, and work. I won't disappear, but you might not see me around quite as much.

What's That Song? (LIQUID ILLUZION)

I heard a song playing in the supermarket the other day. It was familiar, yet not enough that I knew all the words. I stopped dead in my tracks as I tried to remember where I heard it, and what significance it had. Then it hit me. A smile came to my face. It was a song from LIQUID ILLUZION'S Playlist that she use to have on her blog. I listened to the song with a broad smile on my face. For a moment it seemed that she was listening too.

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Suzanne's blog use to be a refuge for me. I slept very little in those days, filled with depression and anxiety. For some reason it gave me comfort to listen to her Playlist while reading a post or two. I felt accepted, and welcomed by her. Little did I know that she was suffering great inner turmoil, and was depressed too. I'm grateful that I had a chance to know her a bit. I'm grateful to her for allowing me to hang out at her blog, and for sharing her life. For being a comfort to me, although she never knew it. I wish I had the time to get to know her better.

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The song was Paper Airplanes by Rosie Thomas. <-- Click to hear it on Playlist.

i wish he could see
how beautiful he is to me
i wish i could stay out of his way
but thats much too hard for me

i wish we could fly away
on a paper airplane

he tells me everything
calls me his martin luther king
says he's good at running far

i tell him everything
call him by the wrong name
say i'm good at chasing stars

i wish we could fly away
on a paper airplane
i wish we could fly away
on a paper airplane

And thank you Amias for keeping your good friends' blog open, and maintaining it so well. And sharing her with others.

Wordless Wednesday - Bob Dylan in Canandaigua, NY

Wordless Wednesday - Lake Ontario meets Irondequoit Bay

Inlet between Lake Ontario and Irondequoit Bay in Rochester, NY.

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Testing ... One, Two, Tree

This it my first online photo using my new cell phone. Not to bad for a cheep cell! There are several of these lovely white trees blooming in my area. I will have more area photos soon.

A Flasher Among Us

We have a flasher in the East Rochester area. A man who is exposing himself in public.

When I was a kid we use to call them streakers. They were often nudists who weren't hurting anyone. So I wasn't worried about this flasher until I heard that he exposed himself to girls at a high school. No way! Not kids! Now that's crossing the line.

The guy has flashed several times. Nowadays, since everyone has a cell phone you would think that the police would be called and pick him up. I hope they get Mr. Flasher soon.

Update - Working on Getting Better

Although my updates all sound the same these days, it occurred to me that I'm doing something healthy. I'm working hard to get better both physically and mentally.

Counseling - I give my counselor mixed reviews. On one hand he seems to flounder without focus. However, when I push him, he shows some knowledge. Once again I told him how frightened I was that I might go back into a more severe depression. I mentioned it several times during one session, and he finally heard me. He told me a few things which were helpful. Then gave me homework. Four things to do aimed at keeping me out of severe depression. Not particularly hard things, but practical. Small steps. Well, it's about time! Finally I feel like we might be getting somewhere. However, I would feel better if he had tested me and got a base line to compare. Instead he has an off the cuff, unorganized approach that doesn't get me far fast.

Medical - I've had to push hard to get to see a specialist. I had to push my doctor Homer Simpson like crazy. The specialist is in the mist of testing me. He wants to do a CaT scan, but it will take awhile to get it funded. So I wait for the phone call. However, the specialist did rule out one major disease that I could have had. But he did say that I defiantly should not have abnormal cells in my blood. So the question remains - What is my disease, and is it curable? Hopefully further testing will reveal it.

Now that the depression has lessened I'm trying hard to get better. I pray that God meets me half way.

Wordless Wednesday - Rochester Lilac Festival is soon!

Rochester Lilac Festival is coming soon - May 14-23.

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Pass The Suntan Lotion. It's 86 Degrees!

Ah! Enjoying a preview of summer. It's a record breaking 86 (30c)! Tomorrow it's suppose to be 84. Then we have a bit of a cool down into the high 60's, but still nice. The weather in Rochester, NY has been unbelievable! No rain. In fact it's been on the dry side. Dry heat baby! ~Sipping Iced Tea~ What do you like to do in summer like weather?

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Wordless Wednesday - 1000 Islands

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Quick Update - My Aunt and the Bear

I've been busy this past week. My Aunt has passed away. It was complications due to a fall which injured her hip. I have been speaking to relatives on the phone, plus went to her funeral. I'm sure that I will write more about my dear Aunt later on.

I have also been studding the Bear of a disease that I think I have. I asked my doctor why he was so concerned about my blood test, and he finally said that it could be that bear of a disease. I will see the specialist in about a week, and possibly be diagnosed. I hope my self-diagnosis is incorrect. The specialist wouldn't see me if it was nothing. So I know that I have a disease. My counselor is going to give me a dry run of the consultation. I'm am frightened of this whole thing. My mother died at the age of 52 of something similar. I'm am a few years younger. I'm not the most organized person, and need to get my questions in order, so my counselor will help. I will have further tests when I see the specialist. I was going to keep this all quiet from my family until I knew for sure, but it slipped out. A relative will be going with me to the same clinic that treated my mother for 10 years before she died. The same clinic that might be giving me a similar diagnosis. It's all very frightening!

Wordless Wednesday - Music

YIPPEE! The Health Care Reform Bill Passed!

Although I think they could have done better on the bill, I'm glad that it passed. I have been reading blogs by some people who couldn't get life saving treatments or drugs because they either didn't have health care, or had inferior health care. Some passed way because the "richest country in the world" doesn't have a proper health care system. It is not just sad to me, it's scary! I might be diagnosed with a serous disease, and I don't have health care Insurance. I'm afraid that once I'm diagnosed that the insurance companies will reject me, and that one day I might be in a critical situation. Unfortunately health insurance companies can still reject someone with a previous diagnosis until 2014 even with this bill. However, it is better then what is happening now. Reform that saves lives is good in my eyes!

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Read about the bill - WebMD: Myths vs. Facts

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CBSNews - Health Care Reform Bill Summary: A Look At What's in the Bill

Random Chick Goes Gay Crazy!

My Twitter buddy Random Chick came up with two good posts about gays. I hope that you'll take time to read them. The posts are...

That's So Gay

That's So Gay - Part Deux

Wordless Wednesday

Quick Update - Spring?

SRING IN "ROCHESTER? - The news said that the East coast is getting slammed by severe rainstorms and floods. Not in Rochester. Yes, we are getting a good rainstorm, but nothing out of the ordinary. Flooding in low lands. In fact it seems more like Spring here! We recently enjoyed 7 days of sunshine in a row with temps 48-61. More beautiful weather starts Tuesday. Yippee! If winter isn't over, then this is one heck of a nice respite! MYSTERIOUS DISEASE UPDATE - I have a copy of my CBC, and think I know what it means, thanks to the net. Not good, but no immediate danger expected. I will see the hematologist the first week in April. I expect him to comfirm it. More waiting. Maybe waiting is good because it helps me to come to terms with a bear of a disease. BORING - Sorry that my updates are so boring. I can't wait until the festivals start! They are always fun! I'll get out + about, and tell you some nice things instead of the same old crap. Thanks for sticking around and caring! I really appreciate you folks!

Congratulations! Gay marriage allowed in Washington D.C.!

Congatulations to all the newlyweds in Washington D.C. !

We now have six states that allow same-sex wedding ceremonies. D.C. joins "Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa and Vermont in performing same-sex marriages. New Hampshire will begin performing them in January."

"Same-sex marriage was approved last year in California, but the practice later was struck down by a voter referendum."

Click here to read the more.

Wordless Wednesday - What do you see?

I'm posting this from my cell phone so.... (Imagine a photo here) ... What do you see? ... I see dancing monkeys in purple skirts. Hm, now why am I seeing that!? ;)

A Bit Blue Today

The hematologist who was suppose to call regarding interpreting my CBC hasn't called yet. It's been about 6 weeks since my CBC was taken. I informed my doctor, (Homer Simpson), Apparently I don't have a very rapid growing disease/infection, or I would be hospitalized by now. Sheesh! I still think it might be that bear of a disease. I've been reading about it. The treatments are painful, and barbaric. Apparently Dr. Josef Mengele, (nazi doctor notorious for his cruel experiments at Auschwitz), dreamed them up. I'm not going to see my shrink this week, I've rescheduled. I don't want to talk about all this latest crap with him, at lest not until I know what's wrong with me. However, part of me dosn't want to be diagnosed. If i have this disease it will change my life, and not in a pleasent way.

Oh, What a Relief!

A snowstorm is not just a snowstorm. So far this winter has been mild, and almost snowstorm free. In general I'm glad for that, but there is something about a good old-fashioned snowstorm like we are having now. Living in Upstate, NY, I've seen them my whole life. Having one is a sign of normalcy, familiarity. It's the order of things around here. Snowstorms bring memories of childhood - sledding, angles in the snow, snow men, with hot cocoa and cookies after. I've been so preoccupied with the possibility of a looming disease that a snowstorm is a nice reminder of normalcy, and pleasant childhood days. So I look out the window and smile as the fluffy, clean, flakes, floating down. Then wrapped up in my warm flannel nightgown, I eat hot soup in my comfortable lazy-boy chair. Later I will have traditional hot cocoa. All is well. Normal. At lest for today. It's a temporary respite from my worried mind... Of course it dosn't hurt that I don't need to drive in this mess! ;)

Wordless Wednesday - A storm in Rochester?

The white stuff might be coming back to Rochester! How is your area?

Quick Update, plus Huge Storm Coming.

Quick, choppy, update on cell instead of using library computer because need food etc before huge storm hits Thus-Sun. TV says maybe worst in 2 yrs! Only 2nd notable storm this season...UPDATE FROM LAST POST-Left message for docs boss (not typical of me), said it's been 3 weeks since odd CBC results, and I won't get interpretation of it for a mo. Ek! Next day my doc called on his day off! He had called a hematologist who will give me a free consultation. Finally! Guess my doc got chewed out by his boss! Now waiting for hematologist to call. Busy studding disease I think I have. I'm tring to prepare emotionally for worst news, and to have some good questions for him. Prayers/good thoughts greatly appreciated!

My Doctor, Homer Simpson

My doctor acted like Homer Simpson today. As you may recall I have been worried about my CBC test results. I have had a high white blood cell count, low grade fever, and some other symptoms for months now. The first CBC test also indicated some possible abnormal cells, but was discarded. So I took another CBC blood test. My doctor was supposed to consult with an hematologist, and let me know about it today. I have been going crazy with worry for the last 3 weeks! I only slept one hour last night.

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I found out today that my doctor hadn't even looked at the new CBC test! As we sat waiting for it, he asked me about my symptoms, fever, and pains that I have been having. He told me that the fever wasn't all that high, and that my symptoms were due to depression. In other words, all in my head. I reminded him that I have been in depression for years, but never had a fever or other symptoms until recently. In fact I have only seen him once a year until now.

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The nurse brought in the CBC result that she just got from the lab. Homer, um, my doctor looked over the results and said that my white blood count was still elevated, and possibly some abnormal cells. He said that it was "cause for concern." Well, DAH!!! I already knew that from the last CBC. He was suppose to consult the hematologist, and tell me his findings today. Now I have to wait another month until he does so. Anyone have some Valium? Well, that's a free clinic for you. Slower then molasses. Um, is there a hematologist out there?

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Related Posts: My Mysterious Illness... AND... Hey Doc., What's My Illness?

Wordless Wednesday - Counselor Dianna Troi

Counselor Dianna Troi (Marina Sirtis) of Star Trek The Next Generation. Oh, how I wish she was my counselor!

The Shrink & I Are Not A Match, plus Depression Update

CBC Test - I'll find out the results in a few days. Meanwhile, I'm going nutz, it's been almost 3 weeks! The vast majority of the time I feel good and am pain free. The low grade fever continues, and I'm monitoring it per doctor. Cross your fingers.

Depression - I FEEL much better. I wish it was spring so I could go for a walk, and enjoy the sun and flowers. I'm still on the depression roller-coaster, but just on the upswing. I know I will come down again, meanwhile I'm looking for an exit sign. By the way, I've been officially out of work per doctor, however, I'm very reluctant to show the doctors note. I feel very uncomfortable being dependant on a doctor, and the shrink to give me permission to return to work. Also even though the note is generalized I'm afraid I will be asked for an explanation and it will get out that I have mental problems.

Da Shrink - I think he means well and cares, but I find him intrusive, intense, and pushy. I'm a private person and need some space. I have opened up a lot in the short time I've been seeing him, but I don't want to disclose everything. He's going to look up some info for me and call me at home. I don't want him calling me at home! It's not urgent. Shouldn't there be some boundaries? How do I tell this guy to take a step back? He is suppose to help me feel less stressed, not more stressed and uncomfortable. Honestly, this guy is more intense than I am. Besides he hasn't dealt with my grief issue which is the source of the depression. I don't think we have a match. Does anyone know a good free shrink in my area? Fortunately our next meeting is on the same day that I see my doctor about the CBC results, so I have a good reason to cancel, and have.

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Happy Valentine's Day! - I'll be Romancing Myself

I've been single for awhile now. Every Valentines day when I'm alone I get the blues. Instead of feeling down this year, I will romance myself. I'll buy some inexpensive flowers and candy. I'll make a delicious, yet simple dinner, or order take out if I feel like it. Possibly a movie, and a relaxing bubble bath. Ahhh! It would be more fun with two, but I'll do my best. ;) Have fun folks!

NO Blizzard in Rochester, NY!

The "blizzard of 2010" gently brushed Rochester, NY. We got less than an inch of snow today in the city, (6" south of us). A dusting to 2" is expected tomorrow. Yawn! I don't know if I should feel lucky, or jealous? It's very strange to watch the local news, and hear about other cities getting slammed. This winter Washington, DC received more snow than Rochester! So far this is the only eastcoast storm that has reached us. They say that another storm is coming on Monday, but is expected to be mild here. So far it's been a nice winter in Rochester, but winter is far from over. Stay safe folks!

What Snowstorm?

Most winters Rochester, NY gets slammed by snowstorms, but not this year. We only had one storm worth mentioning to date. All of the eastern snow storms have missed us. So today we smugly look upon the rest of the nation and say, "Now you know what we go through every freaken year!" Ah, but don't worry, a storm is brewing here for the middle of next week. Please stay safe folks, and drive carefully!

Wordless Wednesday - I had a dream about...

... my beautiful friend Meleah Rebeccah. And Ohhh, the things that she did!

Hey, Check out her NEW BLOG!

Photo stolen from MOMMA MIA, MEA CULPA (hope your not angry)

Hair - Aquarius with Dionne Farris (YouTube)

I love the 60's and early 70's. This is one of the greatest songs ever. I believe that Dionne Farris sings it. She is gorgeous and her singing sends me to another dimension.