Monday, April 21, 2008

What Do You Do When Someone Blogs About You?

I'm just so doggone tired of this!

What do you do when someone blogs about you in a negative way, tells lies, and won't stop? I reached out my hand in friendship to a fellow blogger. Actually we knew each other years ago in real life, had a good relationship, and were very close. I don't want to be specific about the nature of the relationship. Anyway, when I saw her online and tired to befriend her, she didn't want to be friends. She said that she had severe mental problems, and couldn't handle being friends. Then she told me to go to hell, and not to contact her. It hurt. We do have history. I care about her. But what can you do? So I'm leaving her alone.

The thing is that she blogs about me every now and then. And she has done it again very recently. It is obviously about me. I recognize myself, although she never mentions me by name. She sometimes ends her posts with, "this is about me, not you". Or something similar. Oh really? Interesting she would end it that way. Don't you think so? Also... get this... she has a blog diary that is private. If she wants to get something off her chest, why not use her online locked diary? Why put this stuff in a blog that she knows I can read? Plus she is writing things that simply are not true. It's like she is allowed to talk to me or gossip about me, but I am not allowed to respond. She is taunting, and teasing me. Don't you think so?

I find it interesting that she is thinking about me so much. She continues to send messages to me though her blog, even after she told me to leave her alone. However, I have been silent, left her alone, and stopped e-mailing her long ago.

I have kept the lines of communication open on my end. (I'm to tender-hearted sometimes.) If she wants to say something about me then make it a 2 way communication so I can respond! What she is doing is not right, kind, or far!


LadyBanana said...

Hmm, now that's a difficult one because if you do say something about it you will probably give her what she really wants and that's attention. Even though she will pretend she's not interested in anything you have to say.

So I'd say let her get on with it, ignore it completely and I'm sure eventually she will tire of trying to bait you (which is what it sounds like to me)

As long as she does not say anything that would identify you!

Awake In Rochester said...

Hi LadyBanana,

I like the word "bait"..."trying to bait you." That's a good way of putting it! I think that's what she is doing too.

LadyBanana said...


I have an award for you :)

Awake In Rochester said...

Hi LadyBanana,

An award? Sounds great! This will be my 1st award. As a new comer, I'm not sure what to do next. I guess I will e-mail you.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm I think it's just a passive agressive way to say something to you. I wouldn't give her that pleasure.

Good luck!!

Awake In Rochester said...

Hi asthepumpturns,

"passive aggressive", could be. Could very well be.

S'onnie said...

I have to agree with Ladybanana, she is trying to bait you. She wants you to respond, she gets attention that way.

I would ignore her. If however she says something that identifies you in which case I would just post a comment politely asking her to not do so.

good luck :)

eastcoastlife said...

I won't even read her blog! It's probably your imagination that she's writing about you... just ignore her.

The things she writes doesn't make you poorer or lose an arm or leg, so get her out of your system and meet more friends!

Fat Doctor said...

My friend, when you even blog about how her posts irritate you, you give her power.

She doesn't want to be friends, and it sounds like that's a good thing for you. She is right, it is about her, not you. Let it go.

There are plenty of us bloggers who like you and want to be friends! If I were you, I'd avoid her site like the plague. She probably has a tracker and knows each time you go there.

may said...

it's kind of a lose-lose situation. if you ignore her, you still fret over it. if you acknowledge her, she can deny to high heavens, since she doesn't mention names, you'll still end up fretting over it.

i can only hope she will come to her sense and just leave you alone.

Health Psych said...

I'm with the Fat Doctor on this one.

Awake In Rochester said...

Thank you S'onnie, Eastcoastlife, Fat Doctor, May, and Health Psych for your caring, and kind comments! And the others who I did respond to before, LadyBanana, and Asthepumpturns, thank you also. I appreciate your support, and understanding.

I find this very difficult to deal with. Many of you feel that she is baiting me, trying to gain power over me by irritating me through her posts. You might be right.

As I said, we were close in real life years ago. It was a significant relationship. I will never, ever, give up the good memories that I hold in my mind of her, and that relationship. My problem is dealing with a rejection from the same person today, (years later.) This rejection cuts deep. I know that she barely resembles the person that I once knew, due to mental illness. She told me that she couldn't be friends with me, (or apparently anyone), due to severe mental illness. She did tell me some things, but I wish she had told me more about her illness. It would have been a bit easier to put this in prospective and let go, if I understood better. As it stands today, I am fiercely clinging to my good passed memories, trying to be faithful to an old friend, yet dealing with the fact that she has changed significantly due to mental illness, and no longer wants a friendship.

If she had told me that she has been diagnosed by her therapist with A,B,and C, then at least I could look up those things in a book and understand her better, and the reason she rejected me. But since she has cut off communication, I am struggling to understand. It's very difficult to put this into prospective. Therefore it makes it harder to put to rest. The person that I knew years ago does not act like the person I know now. Somehow I might have to separate the her of yesterday, from the her of today, (in my mind.) But, it's difficult to do. It's the same person. Greatly changed, filled with bitterness, anger, and pain, but still one person. Well, my blogger friends, thanks for listening to me. I am sad, and crying tonight. This is someone that I still care about. Because I care it makes it more difficult. I am trying to deal with her rejection, and ill treatment of me.

Debo Hobo said...

I definitely agree with it being passive aggressive behavior and those are the most frustrating people to deal with because their response is alway .."Oh really I didn't realize..who me?...did I do that?"

I would simply ingore her and her blog. Good Luck:)

Anonymous said...

Just don't read her blog. She isn't directly communicating with you if you seek her blog out and sit down and read it.

In Firefox they have an add-on called "LeechBlock". Download it and block her blog.

Problem solved.

Awake In Rochester said...

Debo Hobo & Anonymous,

Thanks for your kind words, and suggestions. My next post will be on what I will do.

Awake In Rochester said...

Hey Anonymous, how do you know that I use Firefox?

Anonymous said...

Doesn't sound like you should waste anymore of your time on this. You're the bigger person and like everyone else, a passive aggressive technique she's using.

That's nice you're still open to communicating with her still though, :)

tom sheepandgoats said...

I sort of like this thought from Eccles 7:21-22

"Also, do not give your heart to all the words that people may speak, that you may not hear your servant calling down evil upon you. For your own heart well knows even many times that you, even you, have called down evil upon others." NWT

Or, if you're feeling especially crotchedy, try this from C.T. Russell:

"If you stop to kick every dog that barks at you, you'll never get very far."

But it doesn't sound as if you regard this person too negatively, so cut her slack and stick with the words of Ecclesiastes.

Scott said...

Yeah, that is a rough situation. I recently added some drama to a female friend's life after writing some innocent stuff about her. She wasn't mad, but her psycho stalker boyfriend guy was mad. So that sucked. I thought about deleting my blog altogther after that drama. But I guess I'll just be careful.

Awake In Rochester said...

Hi -a,

Yes, I'm trying to keep my heart, and door open now.

Awake In Rochester said...

Hi tom sheepandgoats,

I never heard that quoit by C.T. Russell. That's funny. Fortunately I haven't had many "dogs" bark at. I would never call her a dog. Still, it's kind of humorous.

"If you stop to kick every dog that barks at you, you'll never get very far." - C.T. Russell.

Awake In Rochester said...

Hi Scott,

It's good to see you. It's been awhile.

Yes, I notice that it's been drama city at your blog. I hope things work out soon.