Reach out. Listen. by DrowseyMonkey

I want to thank my guest for this insightful post. Funny, or serious, she writes from her heart is very sincere. So please make sure to visit. DrowseyMonkey !

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Awake in Rochester and I have been chatting a bit since her post Immersed in Liquid where she spoke of the recent suicide of Suzanne, someone she met through blogging.

In my comment on that post I mentioned that I volunteer on a crisis/help line. I've been doing that for about 6 years now. During that time most people who've called are not in the process of suicide but many do want to talk about it. Sometimes they feel it's an option for them and quite often it's something they've attempted in the past.

Suicide is a very complex issue and I am in no way an expert on the subject. What we do where I volunteer is listen. It may sound easy and rather passive but the reality is listening is not that easy to do especially when you're listening to someone in physical or emotional pain.

Think of conversations you've had recently - chances are there was a lot of talking but not a lot of listening. This, of course, is perfectly normal and it's how we interact socially.

Now think of a time someone told you they felt sad or that their life wasn't fulfilling. Chances are you reacted like most of us and you tried to cheer them up, told them about all the positive things in their life. It's a normal response.

What we're taught to do on the crisis line is to listen to a person's pain. Not try and convince them their life is good or that they're over-reacting ... rather we listen respectfully and without judgment.

Listening to someone talk and asking open-ended questions allows them the time to move through their feelings. Suicide has such a stigma in our society that very few of us talk about it. So allowing someone the space to do this can be very helpful for them. Often people realize that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation and they are then able to decide for themselves that suicide is not the right choice for them at this time.

Being the listener can seem rather passive at times which is one of the reasons it's so hard for most of us. We want to save people. Tell them how great they are and how great their life is. Of course we do! But when someone is really depressed that kind of conversation may make them feel like you're not listening to them. Which is actually the opposite of how you want them to feel.

When someone does die by suicide I think the hardest thing for everyone left behind is the feeling that they could have done something to make a difference. That if only I had done "this" or "that" the person would still be alive.

There are situations when suicide is a little easier to understand, for example when someone is suffering from a physical illness and their quality of life is deteriorating. It's still a difficult situation but most people empathize with someone in that type of situation. It's more difficult to understand why someone who seems perfectly healthy on the outside chooses suicide.

Someone I knew died by suicide last Fall. It was someone who had attempted before but in the past had reached out for help. This time they chose not to reach out. It was so hard to accept at first but ultimately I came to the realization that it was their choice. They knew where to call for help but chose not to and I have to respect that decision and move forward.

That may sound a bit detached or harsh, but it's not. It certainly hasn't been easy moving on, but with the help of others I'm doing that. Talking about how you feel is always important and I have a great group of people in my life who listen and give support. It works both ways of course because many in my life also knew the person who died and they're grieving as well.

As I said earlier, I'm certainly not an expert ... but there are lots of great places to get more information. One organization I really recommend is Living Works. I hope you check out their website there's so much there plus they also run workshops in many places around the world in the hopes of making communities "suicide-safer".

If you're thinking of suicide reach out to someone. Isolation increases thoughts of suicide. The thoughts are normal so don't be afraid to talk to someone about them. If there's no one you can talk to then call a crisis or suicide hotline, most communities have them. Don't keep your thoughts to yourself. Talking really helps and keeping it inside makes things worse.

If you're grieving the loss of a loved one by suicide ... again reach out and talk to someone. If you don't feel comfortable talking to someone you know call a crisis or help line ... that's what they're there for.

Check your local community for numbers to call, or check Befrienders Worldwide. They have a great list of organizations available around the world.

Reach out. Listen.