Saturday, March 7, 2009

Friday Funnies: Medical Typing Blunders

I found this at the blog of Lady Banana. She's wonderful, and so is her blog, so please pop in for a visit. This made me laugh until I cried! I hope that you enjoy it. Thanks LB for letting me use it. :) Um, yes it's a day late.

These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow:

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock roker instead.

33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.


Lilly said...

Thanks for that, needed a good laugh!!

Posh Totty said...

I read these when they were up on Lady 's blog and think they are fab, they make me laugh so much.

Awake In Rochester said...

Hi Posh Totty,

I think that she is fab too! Ohhh, your talking about the post! te he he

S'onnie said...

very funny thanks for sharing them :)

Awake In Rochester said...

Hi S'onnie,

You welcome! :)

Speedcat Hollydale said...

FUNNY !!!!

Giggle Pixie said...

I had some of these on my blog before too. I just can't get enough of them - they're always hysterical!

And #17 made me snort!!!

Awake In Rochester said...

Hi Speedy,


Awake In Rochester said...

Giggle Pixie,

That's a good one!

Mike Golch said...

great ones!Especially item #1.

meleah rebeccah said...

these are total comedy.

Awake In Rochester said...

Hi Mike Golch,

That's a good one!

Awake In Rochester said...

Hi meleah rebeccah,


Speedcat Hollydale said...

Reading this again!!!

.... really funny ;-)

Awake In Rochester said...

Hi Lilly,


Anonymous said...

I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


Awake In Rochester said...

Welcome mint!

It's good to hear from you!

Dragonfly said...

Re #18 - I seem to hear a lot of histories like that. I haven't eaten since I watched Greys Anatomy the other night. That sort of thing.