Friday, March 20, 2009

Friday Funnies - Arrrrrgh...


(To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door, at pet nose height.)

Dear Dogs and Cats:


The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.

The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.

Beating me to the bottom is not the object.

Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed.

I am very sorry about this.

Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.

It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom.

If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.

I must exit through the same door I entered.

Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.

I cannot stress this enough!


Thank you,

Mom
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a LIQUID ILLUZION post

12 comments:

may said...

way too funny :) and probably the many reasons why i'm too selfish to have a dog or a cat at home.

Mike Golch said...

do you honestly thing they will do that? HA HA,my harvey keeps trying to kill the both of us.

Speedcat Hollydale said...

I write notes to the cat on my forehead with post-it's ....

LadyBanana said...

Mabel does follow me to the toilet all the time! lol

S'onnie said...

very funny

Babs (Beetle) said...

Oh yes! I can relate to all of that!

Jimmy said...

How did you get him to sit still like that? My dog would never keep those on for more than 5 seconds.

meleah rebeccah said...

that was awesome!

A. said...

One of my dogs knows how to open doors, so I have not been able to use the bathroom alone for years. If it ever happened, I think I'd be rather lonely.

Allison

Awake In Rochester said...

Hi Everyone,

I'm glad that you enjoyed it! ;)

Real Live Lesbian said...

I haven't been to the bathroom alone in 10 years! lol

Rebecca said...

LOL - that's just about the funnies thing I've read all week.

Came over from Wordless Wednesday.