Please pray for Liquid illuzion's family (Jeri Suzanne Horne)

This Christmas Eve will mark the first anniversary of the suicide of Liquid illuzion. Please say a prayer (or send good vibes) for her family and friends, especially her children. I'm sure that Christmas will never be the same for them.

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Frozen in Time by Awake in Rochester

Last Photograph

Last poem

Last words

Last post

Last phone call

Last Christmas cards sent

Last kiss

Last words to children

All frozen in time

Forever 42

Bits & pieces, scraps, I try to glean from you.

You thoughts on paper try to understand.

You photographs I beg for.

Why?

Why did you have to go?

I try to understand.

Your spirit occasionally I can connect.

But you can not speak words to me in present.

I think it's a crime.

Forever frozen in time.

"For we see now through a dim window obscurely, but then face to face..." 1 Cor. 13:12

photo credit

Please Pray! I've Been Rejected!

SSI-Denied! Medical insurance-Denied! Mental Health help-Denied! Financial help-Denied!

It was some of the worst news I've gotten in the mail. It was declined, not because I was not eligible, (God knows I am), but because I couldn't get to see the doctor that they wanted me to. I called before the appointment to reschedule, but they never returned my call. Also some paperwork that I sent in might have gotten lost. I called my social worker, and even wrote her, but she never got back to me. I think I've been assigned to another social worker.

One of my worst nightmares is that I would reach out for help, but not be able to get it. I hope this isn't my nightmare come true. It looks like I'm falling through the cracks in the system. I will try another social worker. But if I can't get in touch with her, I don't know what I'll do!

It is difficult to advocate for yourself when you are depressed, and don't even feel like getting out of bed sometimes. I've waited till the last moment to seek help. PLEASE pray (or send good thoughts) that I get the help that I need and SOON! I was starting to feel a bit better because I had some hope of being helped. A light at the end of the tunnel. Now that hope is fading.

Please pray for Jeffrey

Jeffrey is "58; and battling more than one potentially terminal disease". Please pray and/or send positive thoughts for "divine health & healing". For the full prayer request click here.

Thank you!

Please Pray for Mike Gloch's in laws

Oops, I'm behind in posting this so I'll ask you to click on the link below. Please pray and/or send good thoughts & vibes.

Prayer Needed For Mike Gloch's in laws

Thank you!

Please Pray for KC

Real Live Lesbian is asking prayers for her friend KC. He was recently in a bad car accident, and his back and neck were injured. He was paralyzed from the chest down. He had the use of his arms and hands, but lost their use suddenly. The doctors don't know what caused this change. Please pray or think positive thoughts or send vibes.

Prayer Request for Suzanne's (Liquid's) Family

At The Prayer Hubs Amias is asking prayers for Suzanne's ( Liquid's) Family. Father Jerry, mother Betty, daughter Bella, and son Campbell. Amias received an e-mail saying, that "Bella's grades are dropping badly, and that she is taking it harder then anyone. They are all going through a difficult time, as you can well imagine. Please pray for them. Here are some prays you can say if you can't think of any offhand.

No need to comment. Please just pray, or send good thoughts/vibes.

Thank You!

Updated Blog Roll & Introducing "The Prayer Hubs"

Introducing "The Prayer Hubs"!

Amias started a new blog called, The Prayer Hubs. She felt some of the burden lift from her shoulders when she asked for prayer for her daughter Mary Elizabeth who had cancer. It made such a difference to Amias that she decide to start a prayer blog. I hope that you continue to pray for Mary Elizabeth as she goes through chemo as well as prayer for her whole family including Amias.

You will see that Cliff from 74wixygrad is there, and myself. I hope that many of you will post your prayer requests, and pray for every post. It doesn't take long to pray for someone, and it becomes powerful when several people pray for the same person.

So stop by the The Prayer Hubs-click here!

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Updated Blog Roll

I finally updated my Blog Roll. I have a good group of people on it! Everyone of you on it is significant to me. I've known some of you for about a year now. I have ongoing contact with the vast majority of you. I'm not good at expressing myself in this way, but I want to thank all of you for being a part of my life, and uplifting me in doing so. It takes several months for me to add someone to my Blog Roll, so if we just meant you may not see your name on it. Everyone please take a good look to your left, and check out a group of good people!

Prayer Needed! Please read!

My friend Amias is asking prayers for her lovely daughter Mary Elizabeth. Mary is 39, married with 4 grown sons, and a husband. Mary has had reoccurring cancer. She was in surgery yesterday again for cancer, and is now on Chemo. Please pray for her, and her family. To read more click here. I am also asking prayers for Amias, and her husband.

Amias was/is a good friend of Liquid illuzion. Amias has been grieving for her friend who committed suicide. Now her daughter's health is in jeopardy. So please pray for the whole family, but especially for Mary's full recovery. If you feel led please post a prayer request on your blog, and ask for prayers at your church. If your not into prayer please send your good thoughts, and vibes.

Instead of leaving a comment here, please visit Amias's blog to comment- click here.

Thank you,
Awake

Prayers, Poems, For Bereavement

As most of you who have been reading this blog know, Jeri Suzanne Horne a.k.a. Liquid illuzion passed away. I thought that I'd post a few prayers. Click on the first few words of the pray for the links.There are also more prayers, poems, and also links about grief at the bottom.
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(Poem) Death is nothing at all -

Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was,
let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.
[There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident?]
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.

All is well.
(Canon Henry Scott Holland of St. Paul's Cathedral)
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Prayers For Bereavement
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O merciful Father, who taught us in your holy Word that you would not willingly affict us, look with pity upon the sorrows of (name) for whom our prayers are offered. Remember her/him, O Lord, in mercy, nourish her/his soul with patience, comfort her/him with a sense of your goodness, lift up your countenance upon her/him, and give her/him peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
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Dearest Jesus, who wept at the death of your friend
and taught that they who mourn shall be comforted,
grant us the comfort of your presence in our loss.
Send Your Holy Spirit to direct us
lest we make hasty or foolish decisions.
Send Your Spirit to give us courage
lest through fear we recoil from living.
Send Your Spirit to bring us your peace
lest bitterness, false guilt, or regret take root in our hearts.

The Lord has given.
The Lord has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Amen.

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WE GIVE THEM back to you, dear Lord, who gave them to us.
Yet as you do not lose them in giving, so we have not lost them by their return.
Not as the world gives do you give, O Lover of souls. What you gave you do not take away; for what is ours is ours always, if we are yours. And life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only an horizon, and an horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
Lift us, strong Son of God, that we may see farther.
Cleanse our eyes that we may see more clearly.
Draw us closer to yourself that we may know ourselves nearer to them.
And while you are preparing a place for us, prepare us for that happy place, that
where they are and you are, we too may be; through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.
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Kaddish -The prayer extolling God that is said by mourners. (Jewish)


Glorified and sanctified be God's great name throughout the world which He has created according to His will. May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon; and say, Amen.

May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity.

Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say, Amen.

May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us
and for all Israel; and say, Amen.

He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.
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Poem-

The season of mourning,
like spring, summer,
fall and winter,
will also pass.

- Molly Fumia

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The Lord's Prayer click here
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The Rosary click here
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Bereavement Sites: Prayers, Poems & Coping with Grief -

In Loving Memory with thanksgiving

Sadly Missed.com

Self-Healing Expressions- Sympathy Poems and Quotes

Mayo Clinic- Survivors of suicide: Healing after a loved one's suicide

Coping with Grief and Loss:

Coping with Grief

For more posts about Jeri Suzanne Horne, go to the cloud tag below and click on "LIQUID ILLUZION"

Is Bankruptcy Worth It?

I don't want to go into details, but over the holidays two negative financial things happen to me. One was devastating. This is on the heals of some other financial crap. It seems like a domino effect is happening. At this point I might have to call a lawyer about this. He/she might mention the "B" word. I HATE the idea! BUT. I own my car, it's payed for. The transportation system in Rochester sucks. You almost need a car. I hope I won't lose it IF...

If you, or someone close to you have filed for bankruptcy was it worth it, or do you/they regret it?

As a follow up to my other post No Work Till Jan. 1st My agency now says that the lost of our main client might be permanent. This means that they might continue to have little work. I'm still awake. I'm having trouble sleeping due to worry. On a positive note, I think I'm relatively depression free which amazes me. Again, I don't want you to feel sorry for me, but I would greatly appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts!

photo

No Work Till Jan. 1st

I called my agency today. Things have been slow for months. I've had to stop paying credit cards to keep a roof over my head. I've had to skip paying some bills, so I will soon get double, and triple bills. I haven't slept well because of all this. And I'm not even telling you the worst of it.

Today my agency told me that the main facility I work at is not offering any more work until January 1st. What a shock! I might get a little work elsewhere, but that's the main place. I'm applying for another job, but even if someplace wanted to hire me tomorrow it would be a 6-8 week wait before they could. I'm in health care field, and they do a police background check which takes time. Then they hold the 1st paycheck at a job. Not a good situation.

I grew up an only child in a large house. My parents expected to have more children, but couldn't. I had everything I ever wanted, and then some. I had so many dolls in my bed that there was hardly any room for me. A whole room was converted into my playroom complete with miniature pool table, and huge toy chest. I was spoiled, and didn't know it.

Although I've worked as a Nursing Assistant I've never really had financial problems. Not like this. Not until recently. Now I'm one of those people who stand in line at the food bank (cupboard) hoping that they don't run out of certain items before I get there. I'd never thought I'd have to do that. I never thought I'd be here. This Thanksgiving might be the first Thanksgiving in my life that I won't have Turkey. I can't afford it.

At any rate, I don't want you to feel sorry for me; but I would GREATLY APPRECIATE YOUR PRAYERS!!!

P.S. I want to thank those of you who give to your local food bank, or donate your time. It's noticed, and appreciated! ;o)

UPDATE: Jan 2, 2009
My agency now says that the lost of their main client might be permanent.

Remembering the Attack On America

It's Sept. 11.

It's been 7 years since the attack. We have been very blessed that things have been so peaceful in the U.S. But the feeling has died. I mean about 7 years ago when I heard the song "God Bless America" I would stand to my feet, and sing the song/prayer with tears streaming down my face. For the most part that feeling is gone, but so has most of the fear.

I remember 7 years ago walking on the sidewalk at my home, hearing an airplane. I stopped dead in my tracks, and looked up. It was a small plane flying kind of low. I stared at it. Then I saw my neighbor, on the other side of the street. She had also stopped dead in her tracts, and was glaring at that same plane. I knew what she was thinking. I didn't need to ask. Will it attack us? Those intense feelings both positive, and negative are now gone. I guess that's part of the passage of time.

It's been 7 years. 7 in the Bible represents the number of completion. But we are not done. Still at war. Still not safe. I wish it was over with. Will things ever be like they were before the attack?

Prayer Request & Why I'm Visiting You Less

Recently Deborah of Debo Hobo dot com left a comment asking me why I wasn't visiting her blog much anymore. It's nice to be missed, but I don't want to lose my cyber friends, so I thought I would give you a personal update.

Soon a huge amount of money may be required of me. I've gotten into debt, and filing for bankruptcy might not get me out of this obligation. My financial position has been made worse by two things.

1) In the past, the depression, and anxiety problems which made me want to stay away from people has kept me form working as much as I should.

2) Work at my current job has now slowed down considerably.

Therefore, I need to find a new job A.S.A.P. because it's been difficult to pay the bills much less catch up on my debts. As a result, I have used the Internet more for finding a job, and less for visiting blogs and blogging. I hope that you will understand if I don't blog as much, or visit you so often at this time. I need to focus on solving this financial problem.

I am praying that God will meet all my financial needs, and get me totally out of debt in a very short amount of time so I will not have to suffer any negative consequences. I am also praying for the perfect job for me. (A very good job, that I like it.) I would greatly appreciate you joining me in prayer! In fact if your Church takes pray requests, or you know someone who likes to pray, please mention me. I believe in the power of God, and prayer, and He is able to get me out of this mess. In your prayer request you can call me any name you wish, God will know who your talking about. ;o) If you don't pray, then hopefully you will send good thoughts and vibes my way. Thank you!!!

I will still keep you up to date on Twitter. Feel free to follow me there. It takes much less time then blogging.

By the way, I have not seen a therapist yet. If your a regular reader you know that I have had reservations. It is coupled with the fact that I would have to pay for therapy. Although it will be a reduced rate, it is especially difficult now. My current mental state is good, (for me), at this time. I hope that it stays that way.

Matthew 18:19-20 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

The Card: A Sign of Dementia?

The following has been altered due to respect, and confidentiality.


A relative sent me a card recently. I will call her Katie. The card was about a special family occasion that takes place every year. This year Katie signed it "Love Granny." The problem is, she is not my Grandmother. She has grandchildren, and might have gotten mixed up, but I think it's more then that. I have noticed a slight decline in her memory for the last few years. Nothing major, but noticeable. Katie is in her late 70's. Her only sibling, (Mag), had dementia and was tested for Alzheimer's disease just before she died. Mag died before the results came back, but it was probably positive. So I'm a bit worried about Katie. I can't call her. She is gone for the summer, and I don't have long distance. At lest some of the family will be with her.

Katie is one of the nicest, sweetest, people you could know. She loves her family, is very caring, generous, loving, very friendly. She is the type of person that you would feel proud to have as a friend. A good, loyal, friend. But time might be taking a toll on her.

As a Nursing Assistant, (CNA.) I know that old age can be cruel. I have seen some people decline physically, and mentally to the point of torture. That's what I would call it. If one human did those things to another, it would be considered torture. I just don't want that to happen to Katie.

Several years ago Katie had a heart condition, and was operated on. If she hadn't had the operation she might have died. But it might have been a relatively quick death. Unfortunately modern science, (medicine), sometimes can be a curse in old age. I hope that when it is her time, that she goes quickly. I hope that she never regrets having that operation.

Please say a prayer for her.

Senator Edward (Ted) Kennedy Has a Brain Tumor

It was just announced on TV, and has only hit a few Internet papers, but Sen. Ted Kennedy has a cancerous brain tumor. Please pray for him, and his family. As you may know, the 76 year old is the last of the four famous Kennedy bothers, and is an icon. His most famous brother was John Kennedy, a former president who was assassinated in 1963. The Kennedy family has been plagued by tragic deaths. He has been an outspoken, highly reverie, Democrat Senator for almost 50 years. He also ran for president in 1980.

BOSTON (AP) — Doctors say Sen. Edward Kennedy has a brain tumor.
by Glen Johnson

"A cancerous brain tumor caused the seizure Sen. Edward M. Kennedy suffered over the weekend, doctors said Tuesday in a grim diagnosis for one of American politics' most enduring figures.

Doctors for the Massachusetts Democrat say tests conducted after Kennedy suffered a seizure this weekend show a tumor in his left parietal lobe. Preliminary results from a biopsy of the brain identified the cause of the seizure as a malignant glioma.

His treatment will be decided after more tests but the usual course includes combinations of radiation and chemotherapy..."

Other Articles:

Factbox: Sen. Edward Kennedy

CNN- Doctors: Ted Kennedy has brain tumor

I went to the Lilac Festival (in Rochester, New York)

Thursday I went to the Lilac Festival in Highland Park, Rochester, NY. Admission is free. (Sorry, I don't own a camera so no personal photos). I blogged about the Festival very recently on Wordless Wednesday, which wasn't so wordless. I went to Monroe Community College, (MCC), to use the shuttle bus, but the shuttles are only used on weekends. It took me awhile, and a prayer to find a free parking spot, but got one right across the street from the festival. They also have lots of free parking about a mile away, but I'm not use to walking. It was my first real outing since winter, and I have not exercised at all this winter.

Admittedly It's not my favorite festival. I'm not crazy about Lilacs. I did liked the magnolias, and bell shaped flowers better. I like to go to this festival because it is the first of the season, and gets me in the festival mood.

I went on "Wine 'N Blues Day Farmers Market" day. There was wine tasting, and food samples from New York state wineries, and food vender's. Now that was a real plus! There was also live music in the background. I had samplings of cheese, different mustard's on pretzels, various salsas on taco chips, a small salad. I had maple butter and maple syrups, chocolate chip cookies, bar crackers, power bar pieces, and more. Free samples of multi vitamins and hair conditioner, and much more. And of course wine samples, and more wine samples. I estimated 8 wine booths. I was feeling good ;o) At a "Cooks Pan" (?) demonstration they gave out free chicken, and veggie samples. Mmm, my tummy was full!

Heads up, the last day for the Lilac Festival is this Sunday, May 18. You might take a look at the online schedule, and the weather report. Some showers are expected, but not a washout. The weekend offers lots of events for the kids. Have FUN!

Not crazy about the Lilac Festival? Here are "10 things to do this weekend in the Rochester area".

Therapy - What Works?

As you might know, I am not fond of therapy. I have blogged about it. Also my cousin has seen some scary things. So I have my reservations concerning therapy.

Ever since my father's death I have had difficulty with anxiety, and depression. Well, the anxiety is nothing new, but the depression is circumstantial. It's been years since his death, and I'm not snapping out of it. My last bout with depression was very difficult. Possibly sever depression. I'm doing fairly good now, comparatively speaking. But I'm aware that I can plummet into depression soon again. In fact I might be going through something difficult soon, that might trigger the depression. I'm starting to think that I might need some therapy to snap me out of this cycle, even though I'm not crazy about the idea.

I want something effective. So do you know which therapy works? I'm sure that there have been some studies somewhere on it. And what medications work? I don't want to end up a gunny pig. Maybe I should avoid meds? So if you have some legitimate stats, or are a therapist, I would appreciate hearing from you. Please back up what your comment with evidence. Personal testimonies are good too. Thanks!

P.S. I don't know much about physiology, and don't know the terminology, so please keep this in mind when replying.

My Friend has Superbug MRSA, Please Pray!

A friend of mine has a Superbug - community-associated MRSA, or CA-MRSA. She has had emergency surgery. The wound was infected. She is on maga antibiotics now. The doctor will get the test results soon, and find out if the antibiotics are working, or not. Today she told me that she felt VERY sick. She could only eat half of one of her favorite sandwiches. I am asking everyone to please pray for her. If your not into praying then please send her your good thoughts, and wishes. She has had more then her share of physical problems. She will see the Doctor soon. Thank you!

UPDATE: She saw her Doctor. The antibiotics she was taking didn't do the trick. She is on new antibiotics, and they hope that it will not go to the BONE. Ekk!