Libra, Love of My Life (part 1 of 2)

I haven’t written much about my exes, but Libra was someone quite wonderful and remarkable. Libra was the love of my life. I’m sure that these 2 posts won’t do her justice, nor articulate how unique and charismatic she was, but I’ll give it a try. In the 1980’s I would meet Libra and have a 7 year relationship with her. This is the true story in a nutshell. To protect identities I have changed names, blurred dates, and omitted physical descriptions, etc. I wrote each small chapter as one paragraph in order to prevent this from being 3 parts. I also wrote this using two different computers so some chapters may appear different in font etc. I hope that you pay attention to the spirit of what I say rather than the form. This post is the first of two.

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Background

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I was in my mid to late 20’s and still a virgin when I met this endearing woman. I had previously graduated from Bible college, and was in denial concerning my sexually. Libra was approximately 10 years my senior. She had several previous relationships with both men and women. She didn’t like labels such as gay, straight, or bi. Libra was easygoing, kind, gentle, confident, charming, attractive, feminine, and compassionate. She was smart with a good memory, and was well educated. She had a fun, effervescent, personality. Her hearty, feminine contagious laughter drew people to her.

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We Were On the Same Page

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Libra and I came from similar backgrounds and had similar views. We were highly compatible. We both liked easy-going, harmonious relationship, but disliked drama and arguing. We worked hard, but played easy preferring relaxing activities. I grew up an only child in the suburbs. Libra also grew up in the suburbs with only one sibling who was considerably older than her. She virtually grew up as an only child too. We were use to solitary, quiet, and space. We never asked each other to move in, nor did we need to explain to each other the need to have our own place to be alone. (To this day I have never had a roommate, except in college). We were both closeted at the time, so we were careful around each other's families. We had mutual admiration and respect. We were comfortable with each other and enjoyed each other's company. We were very best friends. Libra use to say that “sex was the icing on the cake and the cake was our relationship/friendship”. We had a great cake! As for the icing, that was great too. Libra said that she “never had an “O” before she met me". We both enjoyed a lot of good icing and “O”s.

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What Does A Lesbian Couple Do?

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The same thing that heterosexual couples do. In the beginning we would occasionally stay at a nice hotel making love like rabbits. We went on vacations together. She introduced me to Canandaigua, NY which became one of my favorite vacation spots. We visited each other's families during Christmas, and went to Christmas services at church. Libra loved greeting cards so we would often exchange cards, and small gifts. Sometimes we would slow dance in her kitchen after supper. She had a way of starting a joke and passing it to me; I’d add to it and pass it back. It was fun! We sometimes watched T.V. and snuggled together enjoying each other's company. Like most couples we occasionally went out to dinner and/or movie. What we did wasn’t extraordinary, but the person I was with was.

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Not Perfect

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I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, neither were we, but it was very good. In the early months I was having moral conflict over being a Christian and sleeping with a woman. I would sometimes voice my opinion to Libra which made it difficult on us. Libra wasn’t perfect either. She was great at seeing both sides of a conflict and giving good impartial advice, unless she was one of the people in the conflict. Then she acted like she couldn’t see the other person’s point of view. She just wanted to win the argument. Libra had such a good memory that she would quote me verbatim during arguing which would secretly put me in awe of her. Fortunately for me, arguments were rare because she hated arguing as much as I did. Her biggest flaw was her trouble with commitment. She tried to warn me early on saying, “I have difficulty with commitment, however, I’ve had more fun with you than anyone else”. I thought that the fun factor would make me the acceptation to the rule. I thought wrong.

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Boredom Set In

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Around our third year together Libra slowly pulled away from me. She was starting to act bored with me, and didn’t want to be with me as often. Sex which had been frequent in the beginning was now rare. This happened gradually over time. Meanwhile, my feelings towards Libra never wavered. I still loved her and wanted to be with her. I believed that I would spend the rest of my life with her. On one occasion Libra told me that she had only slept with a handful of people. She would be with someone for 2-3 years break-up then go back to a former lover. She did this repeatedly. I think she told me this to prepare me. Eventually one day Libra told me that we should have an “open relationship" so that I could date others. She said that it would “be good for me since I was in my 20’s and had only slept with one person. Also I might find a man which would be more acceptable to my family and religion” However, I knew that she wanted an open relationship for her own sake, not mind, yet I never voiced my belief. Eventually I reluctantly agreed to an open relationship. However, I purposed in my heart not to sleep with anyone else, even if Libra denied me sex. I would remain faithful to Libra.
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The Last Piece of the Puzzle

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Time went by. We had now been together 4 years. Libra's restlessness and boredom had reached its peak. I watched our relationship slowly deteriorate, sad and frustrated that I couldn't do anything about it. Then one day Libra told me that she "ran into" her ex, Sally. I remember that Libra described Sally as "smart with a great body" Since Libra had a habit of going back to her exes I knew that she and Sally would soon sleep together, ending our relationship. I never expected to be in Libra's life for 3 more years.

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Folks, I hope that you come back for the second post and conclusion of "Libra, Love of My Life." The next chapter title is "The Ring".

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Clay Aiken - Father & Gay / Lindsay Lohan Lesbian

Well folks it just might be true. Two new Hollywood stars coming out.

"National Coming Out Day isn't until Oct. 11, but two of Hollywood's most-rumored stars — Clay Aiken and Lindsay Lohan — may be observing that rite of passage early today.

Internet reports beginning to circulate now feature a People magazine cover with an October date showing Aiken holding his newborn son, Parker Foster Aiken, underneath the headline "Yes, I'm gay: The 'Idol' star opens up about his emotional decision to come out."

"I cannot raise a child to lie or to hide things," he's quoted as saying on the cover.

Representatives from People have not yet returned calls to the Sun-Times. A statement from the magazine, however, was posted at mtv.com, saying only: "We can confirm that Clay Aiken and his son are featured on the next issue of People...

In other closet-opening news, many online outlets are reporting that Lindsay Lohan has "confirmed" a lesbian relationship with DJ Samantha Ronson.

Lohan and Ronson rarely have been seen apart for several months, and they too have dodged direct questions about the nature of their relationship.

But Lohan called into the Los Angeles-based radio show "Loveline" last night to comment on the recent fatal plane crash that injured former Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker and DJ AM. Host Ted Stryker asked Lohan how long she and Lohan had been "going out."

"Like two years? One year? Five months, two months?" he asked.

Lohan chuckled, then said, "A long, a very long time."

Stryker ended the conversation by saying, "Well, I hope you stay together. You are a very lovely looking couple." Lohan thanked him.

Confirmation, it seems, is in the eye (or ear) of the beholder."

Read the whole article at the Chicago Sun-Times

Grey's Anatomy: Doctors Erica Hahn & Callie Torres Lesbian Kiss

They showed Grey's Anatomy season final again. My favorite scene was the kiss between Doctor Erica Hahn (Brooke Smith), and Dr. Callie Torres (Sara Ramirez.) I'm predictable, ha? I think Torres is hot! The You Tube video has clips of the lesbian, (or bisexual) storyline leading up to the kiss as well as the kiss, (actually kisses).

If this post looks familiar it's a partial repeat. I just had to show it again since they did. ;)

So what is your prediction concerning Torres, and Hahn? This storyline is juicy so more should come of it. Hahn seemed to be talking about Cristina Yang a lot, so maybe some complication with Yang. What do you think will happen?


"Grey's Anatomy - Lesbian Storyline" (3:46 minutes)


"Callie & Erica - I Kissed a Girl" (2:09) (Word free, brighter version)

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi married!

Congratulations ladies! May your love and marriage last forever!

(Newser) – "Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi married in an intimate ceremony at their Los Angeles home last night. Nineteen guests watched the couple exchange handwritten vows, including DeGeneres’s mom Betty and de Rossi’s mother Margaret Rogers. The couple wore Zac Posen—DeGeneres in a white chiffon shirt, white waistcoat, and trousers, and de Rossi in a backless, cream-and-pink halter-neck dress.

DeGeneres, 50, and de Rossi, 35, have been dating since 2004, and DeGeneres announced wedding plans on her show in May after California struck down a ban on gay marriage. "We are very, very excited," DeGeneres said earlier. Onlookers described the couple as “ecstatic.” To see photos, head to the Daily Mail.
sources~ People, Daily Mail (UK)"

Hot looking newlyweds!

California same-sex weddings and Ellen VS. McCain

California gay weddings start today. Hallelujah! Here are some snippiest from various newspapers about it. At the end is a YouTube video from the Ellen Degeneres Show where she interviews John McCain about same-sex marriage. I think that she did a wonderful job. It's only 3 minutes long, and well worth seeing.

California wedding one more step on long road -

This evening, some county clerks in California will stay open late to start issuing marriage licenses and officiating the exchange of vows for gay and lesbian couples - the first of thousands of same-sex marriages expected in the coming days.

It's a bold step that has been hailed by many gay-rights advocates as a significant milestone while being attacked by opponents as an unmistakable sign of societal decay.

As of Friday evening, 646 same-sex couples had booked appointments to get marriage licenses at San Francisco City Hall over the next 10 days... But the latest wave of same-sex marriages may be short-lived. The court's ruling could be undone when California voters are asked on Nov. 4 to decide an initiative sponsored by conservative religious and legal organizations...

Calif. same-sex weddings will affect other states -

New Yorkers heading west for weddings have a big advantage over most other non-California same-sex couples. New York Gov. David Paterson has stipulated that state law requires recognition of legal marriages performed elsewhere, including same-sex unions.

Most other states have statutes or constitutional amendments specifying that marriage is between a man and a woman, and denying recognition to same-sex unions. The federal government also doesn't recognize such unions...

California economy boosted by gay marriage bonanza -

California's economy is poised for a multi-million-dollar windfall as same-sex marriages get underway here Monday, with the tourist sector eyeing a bonanza as gays and lesbians flock to the state to tie the knot...

YouTube - Ellen Degeneres and John McCain Debate Gay Marriage (3 minutes)

An Uncomplimentary Blogger, Dr. Phil, and Forgiveness

This is a continuation of my last post called- What Do You Do When Someone Blogs About You? If you haven't read it, and the comments, please do so before reading further. You will not understand this post unless you read the last.

First of all I want to thank everyone that commented on my last post. Your suggestions, and remarks were kind, thoughtful, and thought provoking.

Secondly, I don't want you to think that the uncomplimentary blogger is a monster. When I knew her in real life, she was nice, sweet, and sensitive. Since then it seems that life has kicked her in the gut one to many times, and she has reacted to it. When I saw her online I was so thrilled to see my old friend that I tried to get close to her quickly. It was bad timing because she was dealing with some recent kicks in the gut, and wasn't ready to be friends with anyone. However, the way in which she treated and rejected me was hash, threatening, and undeserving.

I'm not a huge fan of Dr. Phil McGraw, but on Wednesday the 23rd he said some things that made sense to me. The segment was about Mormon, (LDS), boys that were kicked out of their homes. They were force to leave because they were seen as a threat to some of the older polygamist men. This is the same compound in Texas that has been on the news.

Dr. Phil was talking with these boys, and asked them if they wanted to go back home if give the chance. The boys said yes, but knew that they would be treated like outsiders. They knew that the door would be locked on them. Dr. Phil said that even though they were rejected, they could get closure just by making it known that they still wanted a relationship, and keeping the door of their hearts open, and forgiving. I saw the parallel. I was rejected by a former good friend, someone who I regarded as family. I now believe that I need to continue to leave the door open, forgive, and turn the other cheek. Maybe this can bring me closure. This person knows my e-mail address, and can get in touch with me if she wants. There is no need to overreact, and to stop blogging. I once wrote her in an e-mail that "it would be a shame if we could not find a way to be friends". I still believe that, but maybe this isn't the day for it. It's poor timing.

What Do You Do When Someone Blogs About You?

I'm just so doggone tired of this!

What do you do when someone blogs about you in a negative way, tells lies, and won't stop? I reached out my hand in friendship to a fellow blogger. Actually we knew each other years ago in real life, had a good relationship, and were very close. I don't want to be specific about the nature of the relationship. Anyway, when I saw her online and tired to befriend her, she didn't want to be friends. She said that she had severe mental problems, and couldn't handle being friends. Then she told me to go to hell, and not to contact her. It hurt. We do have history. I care about her. But what can you do? So I'm leaving her alone.

The thing is that she blogs about me every now and then. And she has done it again very recently. It is obviously about me. I recognize myself, although she never mentions me by name. She sometimes ends her posts with, "this is about me, not you". Or something similar. Oh really? Interesting she would end it that way. Don't you think so? Also... get this... she has a blog diary that is private. If she wants to get something off her chest, why not use her online locked diary? Why put this stuff in a blog that she knows I can read? Plus she is writing things that simply are not true. It's like she is allowed to talk to me or gossip about me, but I am not allowed to respond. She is taunting, and teasing me. Don't you think so?

I find it interesting that she is thinking about me so much. She continues to send messages to me though her blog, even after she told me to leave her alone. However, I have been silent, left her alone, and stopped e-mailing her long ago.

I have kept the lines of communication open on my end. (I'm to tender-hearted sometimes.) If she wants to say something about me then make it a 2 way communication so I can respond! What she is doing is not right, kind, or far!

Wordless Wednesday

I originally saw this on Dr. Deb's site. Thanks for posting it!

"What's The Difference?"

by Rannie Turnigan for the 20 x 2 Project.

Rochester Gay Man Beaten Unconscious

Rochester, N.Y. is suppose to be one of the most tolerant cities, but you wouldn't know it sometimes. Look at this mans face. When they find his attacker, I hope that they lock him up for a very long time.

Hate crime victim talks about the attack.

He said he was beat up until he was unconscious because he's gay, and police agree. Now police are looking to arrest a suspect in what they're calling a hate crime. News 10NBC talked exclusively with the victim.

Lance Neve said he was in the bar minding his own business and was then attacked.

"I was punched and I went to the floor," Lance said. "He continued to beat my head into the floor." Lance Neve doesn't remember much until he woke up at Strong Hospital. "With a tube down my throat and my arms tied to the bed," Lance said.

Mr. Neve has a surprising reaction. See more including video at the link.

Update March 17th-

The jerk turned himself in. Jesse Parsons turned himself in to Ogden Police. On the TV they said that Parsons has been in jail before. The attack left Lance Neve with a fractured skull, a broken nose as well as multiple bruises. Parsons is currently in jail and held on $15,000 bail. He is scheduled to be in court on Thursday.

Betsy and Linda (Office Talk)

Linda walked into Betsy's office.

I haven't heard from you in a while. I hope that every thing's all right, Linda said.

Betsy flashed Linda an angry look, then said, I didn't want you to be a friend. I just wanted us to be acquaintances.

Linda replied. I did try. I truly did, but it didn't work. We aren't strangers. We didn't just meet. We knew one other years ago. We were lovers. We were good friends, maybe best friends. You weathered a storm to be with me. You asked me to move in with you. You told me that you were in love with me. Betsy, we have history together.

I know that you are hurting at this point of your life. You have major intimacy issues. You have suffered loses. Sorting out past abuse. You have been hurt, and are very bitter, and angry. I understand why you want to distance yourself, but I can't pretend. I can't act like a stranger to someone whom I shared so much. I care about you, and you don't know how to handle it. Now, don't panic. I'm not in love with you. I don't want to become lovers again. But I do care, and have a connection to you, history with you. I do now, and always will. So I can't pretend to be mere acquaintances. I can't pretend that I don't know you. I have never been good at pretending.

Betsy replied, That was many years ago. People change. You don't know me.

Linda said, People do change. We have had different experiences. Both of us have changed, but basically we are still the same people down deep inside. Doesn't psychology say that our personality is formed when we are young? Basically I am still me, and you are still you.

I know it was a long time ago, but our relationship was significant. It happened. Just because you think you might be straight now, and have been though difficulties, doesn't mean that "we" didn't happen. It doesn't mean that you can negate the fact that we were lovers, and good friends.

You once told me that you were more terrified of me, then of the person who abused you. Your terrified because I care. You have difficulty with intimacy. You want to sweep it all under the rug. You want to abolish our passed.

Betsy, I can't deny our passed relationship. I can't make the jump to being just acquaintances because we're not. We are more then that.

Linda left the room, and as she did she kept the door open a crack.

Related Post: I have Evidence!

(UPDATED) Protesters fight for same-sex marriage rights

A local lesbian couple's fight for equal rights changed history in New York State, but Monroe County Executive Maggie Brooks is appealing the ruling. That prompted a rally outside her office Monday.

About 100 people protested at noontime. They were back again Monday night fighting for equal rights for same-sex couples. One local couple started this all with a lawsuit four years ago.

"I'm just sorry that we have to fight this fight," said Lisa Ann Golden. She married the love of her life in Canada back in 2004.

"I'm tired of feeling like a second class citizen because I fell in love with someone, and it happened to be a woman," Golden said. That woman is Pat Martinez.

Their fight for equal rights began when they were denied spousal benefits from Martinez's employer Monroe Community College.

"The importance of same-sex marriages is that we get the same protections that everybody else does," said Martinez.

On Monday, dozens of people joined the fight including clergy and local leaders.

"What this is really about is discrimination," said Brighton Town Supervisor Sandy Frankel. "Discrimination against families, and we have to stand strong and fight for fairness for everyone!"...... see link for more ....

Pat Martinez herself left an important comment and update in this post. Please read.

Read the rest at News 10 whec, and see the video. (The video is very good)

Related Posts: Monroe County to appeal same-sex ruling AND

Court: Gay marriage in Canada should be recognized in New York

Court: Gay marriage in Canada should be recognized in New York

ROCHESTER, N.Y. - An appeals court has ruled that a gay couple's marriage in Canada should be recognized in New York.

The Appellate Division of state Supreme Court on Friday reversed a judge's ruling in 2006 that Monroe Community College did not have to extend health benefits to an employee's lesbian partner...

Read the whole article here... Newsday.com

And in Rochester's Paper... Democrat and Chronicle: Gay marriages ruled valid in N.Y.

Looks like progress is slowly being made folks. Monroe Community College is in Henrietta, a suburb of Rochester New York.

RELATED POST: Monroe County to appeal same-sex ruling

AND: Protesters fight for same-sex marriage rights.

Therapy and Me

I'm not sure if therapy is for me. I have had problems since my father's death, with anxiety, and depression. I have never seen a therapist on a regular basis. It's a big deal for me since I am a privet person, and it's difficult for me to pour out my heart to a total stranger.

Recently, I have been contacting friends, and lovers from the past. I guess that I am that age. I have heard of others my age doing this. (I'm in my 40s).

I have contacted many people. Two of them that responded back are both working as therapists. I have gotten to know them both again thorough e-mails. I don't want to go into personal details about them.

They do have several things in common...


Both people have graduated from college with degrees in therapy related studies.

Both have been working as therapists for many years.

Both are my age or older, so I'm not talking about young adults.

Both have been in therapy themselves for many years to receive help.


The thing is that they both seem worse today then when I knew them years ago! This is highly disturbing to me. These people are educated therapist themselves, who have received therapy for many years, and are worse. How can this be?

I can relate to both of them because I have problems too. I knew them both years ago, so there is a connection. My heart goes out to them both. I'm devastated! I'm devastated and sad for them, and myself.

I was going to look for therapy myself, but apparently conventional therapy does not work. Why should I go to a therapist, and pour out my soul when it doesn't work? Why should I go to a therapist for years, maybe decades, if I'm going to get worse anyways?

I have been searching for a therapist for about 6 months now. It has been difficult since I don't have health insurance, and can't afford to pay $60 an hour, or whatever the rate is. So I have called, and called, and searched, and searched. Finally after 6 months, 3 therapists are calling me back wanting appointments with me. But I have not returned their calls. I don't know if I will. If conventional therapy doesn't work, why should I go to a therapist?

Now the question seems to be... If conventional therapy does not work, then what does?

Related Posts: ETC - Electroconvulsive Therapy or Shock Treatments
And: Are You Gay OR Straight? (Part 1)