Breaking News: It has been confirmed, Saturday Night Live's Tina Fey has been kidnapped by Gov. Sarah Palin. Palin who was dressed scantily in a bikini is holding Fey hostage in Alaska. Palin was seen holding a hockey stick aimed at Fey's head. For some reason Fey was forced to take off her blouse, and play the accordion. Fey who was force feed moose burgers was told they came from "Bullwinkle the Moose." (Moose is missing.) When asked why she was only wearing a bikini in -20 degree weather, Palin refreshed her lipstick, struck a pose, and said that she could see Russia from her window, and that they could see her. Her husband Todd was seen snowmobiling in circles behind her.
Palin originally asked V.P. Dick Cheney to kidnap her then changed her mind saying that Fey's face was to pretty to get riddled with buckshot. Cheney has been hiding in Alaska ever since his popularity reached negative numbers.