My Mysterious Illness

The following has been condensed for brevities sake...

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I've had a low grade fever since June. I have never had a fever, unless I've had a bad cold or flu until now. My doctor tested me and found out that my white blood cell count is very high - 18,000. Thursday I had my blood drawn for another test. If this test is positive, it will mean that something is definitely wrong, and I will have an idea as to what the disease is.

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I got on the web and looked at the possible reasons that I could have an 18,000 WBC with fever. My eyes went to the worst case scenario, (of course), but when I saw it, it made perfect sense.
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My intuition says that I have the disease, but I hope that I'm wrong. It's a bear of a disease that I couldn't wish on my worst enemy, (if I had one). :) I'm eager to get the blood test results. I want to know exactly what I have ASAP, but what then? By the way, I still don't have medical insurance. I go to a free clinic.

The Big Bad Shrink

Who's afraid of the big bad shrink, Big bad shrink,
big bad shrink? Who's afraid of the big bad shrink?
Tra la la la la ...

My first meeting went well. He seems nice, and generally concerned. He listened well and had some good comments. He was amazed that I knew why I was messed up, and could list the reasons. I told him that I just didn't know how to get out of the hole of depression. I hope he knows what he's doing. He has an MSW. I hope that his training is adequate.

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He gave me simple homework that made sense, and he is going to check into winter depression (SAD) for me. I told him that I can't afford $100 for a lamp and he will see what else I can do. I'll see him again in two weeks.

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I'm on an upswing. The last few months the depression has lessened. It's a huge relief because I was pretty bad off. It's not gone, (even shrink said that), but it's not as severe. Thank God! I've been in depression long enough to know that it has it's ups, and downs. It's like riding a roller-coaster. I'm on the upswing, but I always go down again. I hope that the shrink can pull me off this roller-coaster. By the way, I'm not on meds. My MD offered, but I don't like the idea.

Wordless Wednesday - My 1st visit with my counselor

I'm going for my first visit to my counselor today. I have beer waiting home for me.

Rev. Pat Robertson blames Haiti's' sin for earthquake..Why does God allow suffering?

Rev. Pat Robertson who once was a presidential candidate, and is founder of the 700 Club, "previously linked natural disasters and terrorist attacks to legalized abortion in the U.S. He also blamed Hurricane Katrina that killed over 1,800 on "sin". Now he says that century's ago Haiti made a packed with the devil, and that is why they had the devastating earthquake. Enough! Anyone who has studied the Bible knows that there are numerous reasons for suffering. It isn't always the persons fault. Just read the book of Job. In John 9:1-3 The man was born blind not due to his sin, but to show Gods power. Sometimes we go though trails because it provides Godly character James 1: 2-4 and Romans 5:3-4. There are many Biblical reasons for suffering, I just touched on a few.

In Bible college I was tought that the blanket reason for suffering was that Adam and Eve disobeyed God, then bam, we have had suffering and death ever since. Genesis 3:1-19. Suffering and death do not discriminate, they touch Christian and non-Christian alike. Just look at Godly Christians that you know. Don't they suffer too? Don't they have financial troubles, lose loved ones prematurely, and get sick just like non-Christians? God never promised us a trouble free life, but He did promise to always be with us. Hebrews 13: 5-6 After the original sin, suffering became the order of things here on earth. If your human you will suffer, even Buddha understood that!

I don't know why Rev. Robertson continues his blame game. He should know better. It's getting old!
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Read more reasons God allows suffering...

Why does God allow suffering by J. Carl Laney


The Problem of Suffering - Why Does God Allow it?


This post was paritally based on a CNN artical - Pat Robertson says Hasiti paying for "pact to the devil"

New cell phone, but how can I see your blog?

I'm trying to stay in touch with my blog buddies, so I bought a new cell phone. I needed a prepaid one since my credit history isn't good. I bought Straight Talk by Walmart (Samsung R451C). The problem is that I get an error sign 95% of the time. "Document too large for availble memory." It's very frustrating! I've heard that I can sign up somewhere on the net for something that will make it easier to see blogs from my cell phone. Does anyone know where I can sign up? Feel free to email me, (email above.)

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

Please pray for Liquid illuzion's family (Jeri Suzanne Horne)

This Christmas Eve will mark the first anniversary of the suicide of Liquid illuzion. Please say a prayer (or send good vibes) for her family and friends, especially her children. I'm sure that Christmas will never be the same for them.

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Frozen in Time by Awake in Rochester

Last Photograph

Last poem

Last words

Last post

Last phone call

Last Christmas cards sent

Last kiss

Last words to children

All frozen in time

Forever 42

Bits & pieces, scraps, I try to glean from you.

You thoughts on paper try to understand.

You photographs I beg for.

Why?

Why did you have to go?

I try to understand.

Your spirit occasionally I can connect.

But you can not speak words to me in present.

I think it's a crime.

Forever frozen in time.

"For we see now through a dim window obscurely, but then face to face..." 1 Cor. 13:12

photo credit